I just Had one of those 'Spoiled Brat' Moments Here 2night. Not sure if it's cuz Tha Heat Lost Game 7 Tonight or Cuz Somebody and What They Did or Didn't Do Popped into My Head. Anyhow, this Reoccurring Thought of, 'Why Does It Have 2 Be So Hard?' Crept In Once Again. Which Had Me questioning if Success is Really Gonna Come My Way? Or How Come It Takes So Long for Things To Develop in My Life? I just don't understand it.
Now I'm Finna leave it ALL out 2night, so if u don't Wanna Here What it's Really like 2 Climb Tha Ladder of Success or How it Really is On This Luv and Dating Scene. Simply Close This Page and Go on a Netflix Binge Marathon Because I'm Determined To Figure This Thang Out TONIGHT. It may be a Long One...
I got Everything That I Think puts me in Tha Position to be On Top of Tha World. I feel like I Hot Tha Five Keys To Success: Motivation. Humbleness. Joy of Life. Experience. Talent. But it seems, like I've been knocking on some doors for such a long time and I'm wondering why they won't open. Like...If Other People Can Say Ever So Kind Things About Ur Spirit and Life and How Folks Actually Use Your Life to Inspire Others, then Why Does it Feel like Something is Missing. As a Kiddo, I used to really draw a lot. When Those Bulls games with Jordan and Pippen and Rodman used to come on, I Would usually Just Draw, Imagining A Life of Fun and Fame. I used 2 Have My Own Shoe. Those Nike Air ALW21's Were Fire! Then I Would Sketch out Myself in Commercials and On Top of Bilboards. This all may seem Conceited or Egotistical but I Really Could Envision my Life As This Big Megastar. Someone Who Could Change Tha World or Galaxy for Tha Better.
When I came home from school, I used to watch All Tha Celebrity Gossip and Tabloid Shows. Instead of Studying For That Chemistry Mid-Term or Whatever, I wanted 2 See What Madonna or Michael Jackson or Pamela Anderson was up to. It was As if I Was Drawn to These Shows, not as Simple Entertainment but As A Preparation for Something Big. Literally Every Afternoon I was Entering A Second Classroom of When I get into That Position You should do this. I was being trained on the temptations of Fame and All That Came With It. Like Access to Drugs, Sex and An Attitude that Just Because You're on TV or The Big Screen, Tha World Automatically Owed You Something and You Should Stop Working Hard. I learned A Whole Lot By Observation. And as a Lad Growing up in a Small Midwestern Town, I Truly Had Big-time Dreams.
But in My Life, I've felt like I've Always Had 2 Prove Something, U Know. I Recall in High School and I'm a Pretty Good Basketball Player, I must Say. But how, after a Great Sophmore Season playing JV, the Following Summer I Worked My Arse Off. Waking up Early on Saturday Mornings to go running. Practicing like never before because this was going to be my year. One Basketball Publication even gave me my own sentence, Yes, MY OWN SENTENCE in The Team Season Preview. Saying, that I Should be One To Watch. But after Preseason Practices and Finally 'Tryouts' my Coach called me over and Told me He Wanted Me To Play JV again for my Junior Year. I just broke down in tears...And just Mumbled, "I'll have to retire." He said, 'Retire??' I said, "Yes!" Just as if I had been Working In Tha Steel Mills of Pennsylvania for 25 Years or Something. I was HURT. That was A Tough Night.
After That episode I Found Myself Tha Next Day Making Tha Varsity Team, but Coming off Tha Bench. I had Started My Entire Life, This Was Crazy in My Book. But here I was at Tha End of Tha Bench and I was Getting Frustrated That I got limited time or wasn't playing at All to Start Tha Season. It All Boiled over One Night When I Got Put in During "Garbage Time" at Tha End of Tha Game and We Were losing by like 20. I was So T'd off and embarrassed...After Tha Game My Pops Lashed into me a Bit cuz He Could See in My Body Language that I Hated to even be out there When Tha Game Was Already Decided it seemed. It was from there that I dedicated To Work Harder Than Ever. I give my Guy 'Jo-Jo' some Credit Too cuz We Pushed ourselves into Making Sure We Could Get Into Tha Rotation.
After Several Games, I finally got a Shot. It was like in Tha Papers Tha Day before That my Chance Was At Hand. Think about that...Me Getting a Chance to play was Announced to Tha World days before Tha Game even came. Talking about pressure, A??!! So Tha game came, I check in, Tha First Time I Touched Tha Ball, I Hit a 3 From Tha Left Side Corner. And Tha Rest was History. I began to play more and more, which lead Me To A Starting Position for Not Only Tha Rest of Tha Season but Tha Rest of My High School Career. It Really Tested My Grind...A Lot. Like How Bad Do U Want This? What Are U Willing to Do When Life Seems Unfair and When Others Don't See Tha Potential and Hard Work You Put in? I was Ready to Quit...Or Retire For Real. But I'm glad I didn't. I thank Tha Coaching Staff for Their Understanding but they Also Saw Something Else...I Got Passion Man...I Really Got Passion.
Speaking of Which...
There's No Secret That My Luv Life has Been One Of Hollywood Folklore. Tha Stories That Have Happened to us are Really Inexplicably Crazy and Wild. Trying to Figure out Where it All began to go crazy. In 8th Grade, I had a Crush on a Cool Homegurl of Mine. She liked me too. She Even Dropped Those Digits in That Yearbook. Woo-Woo! Tha Gurl I liked, freely Giving Me Her Math...I didn't Even Have 2 Ask For it!! That's Pimpology. But guess What...I Didn't Call Her. I sound like I was a Miami Guy before I Even Touched Down These Shores Right? I got caught up in Summer Basketball and Summer Camps For Students and Probably Just in Disbelief That She Liked Me That...I Didn't Call. Crazy Stuff! She Continued 2 Be A Hottie and Later Our School's Homecoming Queen Senior Year. Just Overall A Great Homegurl During Those HS years.
But I never dated during High School. I was just so focused on Hoops and making good grades in my AP and Honors Classes. My Mom once told me that, A Lot of Gurls Told My Brother (Who was Two Grades Behind Me and Knew A Lot of My Classmates) That A Lot of Gurls Liked Me, but just Didn't know How To Approach Me. Saying I was So Focused or Driven. Perhaps, I mean I didn't even Go to Prom. But Tha Thing was I knew Everybody...All Races, Backgrounds...Trust Me, I was "That Guy", I guess Who got Along With All Classmates and just wanted 2 Have Fun. It was interesting.
Then I Began to Get Exposed To Tha Ladies...In All Type of Ways. First off, My Summer Job was at Tha Beach. Yeah...Tough Life Right?!!! Dude it was a Dream Job, and I worked It Four Summers. Sun, Sand, Bikinis. I got So Many Stories, maybe next time. But Tha Gurls Were Wild... I gotta Share This One, This is A Classic from my First Diary but I'll tell it again tonight.
I like All Different Type of Gurls...Meaning Beauty Comes in Many Forms. Rainbow Colored Hair...Size 20...Bookworm...Even Beach Babe by Day, Stripper By Night. I Really Wish I had her Back, She Had Such a Flawless Face, With That Blond Hair and Her Boobs were...Ok, Ok...I just had a Flashback for a Second, Now I'm Back. Boy, she was Hot. But I never Experienced being Stalked until This Infamous Night at Tha Beach.
This All Started like Two Weeks Before This Night. There was a Woman who Looked Like a Mom Who used to Roll Through Tha Park With, Who I Assume was Her Daughter. They came in Like a Grey and Blue Station Wagon. Tha Daughter Had Really Pale Skin, Her Face Was Alright...A Little Top Heavy from What I Could see in Her Chest...I don't look at Gurls just from Tha Physical but Just Try to Set Tha Scene, That's All. Wasn't Necessarily My Type at Tha Time. Back then If U Weren't Tan or Didn't Have a Six-Pack Abs or a Pierced Belly Button like Janet Jackson, I didn't Even Look at Ya! I've changed...Maybe! (Wink!) But as Ludacris Would say, If I Had "One More Drink" then I may Consider Pulling Out My Rocketship For Her. So we could 'Blast' Away!!!
I noticed though something weird. As they would drive through, Tha Daughter in Tha Passenger seat would 'Snap' Her Head, like I could Almost hear Tha Crack, and Stare at Me. Tha First time That Day, I was Like 'Whatever'. Guys and Gurls Roll Through Tha Beach All Tha Time Checking out Foljs Looking For A New Man or Chica or What Have You. I was used to be Checked out by Gurls, no Big Thing. Later that Day, both of Them Roll Through Again, and Tha Gurl was Talking to Her Moms and Thn it was Like..."SNAP!" Her Head Did a 180 Turn to look At Me Again. I had on My Sunglasses, and Could See this Lustful Stare in Her Eyes. Like I Could See Tha Handcuffs, Heart Shap Bed and Either Kenny G or Guns 'N Roses playing All in Her Eyes. I began to think, 'I Think This Chick wants to (Boop!) Me!'
Huh.
So as a Guy Initially You were Turned Off. But Tha Second Time it was like...Then You Start to Look at Her Harder...Start To Glance More at Her Body...Then You begin To Feel and Know...'Man, I Can Do Anything I want To This Gurl. I just Know it!!' It's very tempting When Someone is Kinda Leading You on. Especially When it Involves Sex. And Even More Especially When Nobody Would Even Have To Know. You Can 'Hit it and Quit It' and Catch Tha End Of Tha Real Housewives of New York before U Know it.
Over Tha Next Several Days, this Couple Would Continue to come Through Tha Beach. Same thing, Except Tha Mom was Now looking at Me, While Tha Daughter Did Tha Same. Which led to this Sunday night. I was Tha Supervisor on Duty and I can see them Coming into Tha Park and Beach. I was Just Chilling and As They Passed Tha Gurl Gave Me Tha Most Lustful Yet Freaky Look That Spelled 'I Want To Eat You Alive!' I'm not lying. I Just looked Straight in my Sunglasses Trying to Ignore her, but Inside I was Like...'Dang! This is Hot Sex on A Platter if I Ain't Never Seen it.' This Whole Night They keep Rolling through and I could feel like Tha Mom was Starting To Get Involved as Well. It Was Literally like They've been looking For a Target and they Had Their Eyes Fixated on Me. And Boy Did I feel it...
So Tha Last time They Sloooowly Drive By, Tha Mom Said Something...Like Gave a Cat Call. I thought only Guys did that To Gurls. But, She Did that To me As if I was a Chippendale on Stage. While Tha Daughter Was Literally Almost Throwing Herself at Me With Her Glances and Lips. It Always Feels Good to be Wanted and Considered Sexy and Hot, but This Was Getting Scary. Like...Late Night Obsessive Scary. I Took a 'Gulp!' And Next Thing I know it Tha Car or Station Wagon Then Parked in Tha Nearest Public Lot Where I was At. Oh No...I'm like, These Females Out Here Scoping Me Out?? Jokes Aside, I felt like I was Gonna Be Kidnapped and Forced To Make Luv to This Gurl! Like, U Don't Understand, I felt like Tha Mom was Gonna Come at Me At Gunpoint And Tell Me, "U Either Sleep With My Daughter or Else..." It was Crazy! No Lie...It was Like They Looked At Me As Tha Ultimate Specimen To Have Her Kid. And Fam, They were Serious...
I'm Chilling Trying To a Ignore Their "Stakeout". Then next Thing I know it, I hear a "Honk! Honk!" I'm like...'What?!!' Then I heard it again..."Honk! Honk!". Whatever u do, don't Turn Around, just Don't. Then I hear...'Austin!!! Austin!!!' I was Now Blown Away. How in Tha World Did They Know My Name? People knew me around town, of course, but...Who told Them My Name? I like Romance and Trust Me I've Had My Share of Dirty Haired Blondes in My Day, But I was about Three Tic Tacs from Grabbing That Blow Horn. U know That Small One You Push when You're About to be Mugged or Something. I'll push Tha Son of a Gun in a Minute and Have That Bad Boy Hoing off Like a Reggae Song Up in Here!! Now I'm thinking...'Why Tonight?!!!' Then to make Matters Worse, I Still Have To Lock Up Tha Bathrooms To Tha Beach. Meaning I'm gonna Have 2 Ride My Bicycle Right Past Them to Lock up.
Gee Whiz!!
So I gather my Thoughts in Tha Hut before I Start my Quest. Take a Deep Breath and Here We Go...I began To Ride on Tha a Opposite Side of Where They were Parked. They were on Tha Right Side By Tha Entrance Lot. So I Went Up on Tha Left Side Through Tha Exit. I'm cool and Then I Hear...'Honk!! Honk!! AUSTIN...COME HERE!' I literally Had 2 Ignore Them as if I was Playing in Front of 8,000 Screaming Fans. I'm Peddling Thinking How Crazy This Night Was and Has Been. I'm Yelling into Tha Women's and Men's Bathrooms Real Quick...'Hello!!! Hello! Is Anybody in Here?!!' I Begged That Nobody Was Inside Because I Wanted 2 Hide, I mean Go Home As Quickly As Possible. From There I Hauled Sand To Another Part of Tha Beach to Lock up and When I got Back, I think They Were Gone.
But it was So Crazy Man...It Helped me Get a Perspective on Gurls and Women. That's Why it pains me When a Gurl Isn't Open to Me Cuz I'm Tha Most Relatable Guy I know To How it Feels To Be a Women. I know Sometimes What Females Have to Put Up With. Here in Miami, it's Blatant Disrespect. The Lustful Stares, Tha Whistles, Tha Horns Honking, Tha Things Guys Say to Gurls, That Has Gurls Afraid to Cross Tha Street or Even Go Out. Just Because a Gurl is Beautiful or Just Because a Gurl is Just A Gurl, Doesn't Mean You Can Talk to Her Any Kind of Way. Making Her Feel Uncomfortable. It Ruffles My Feathers When I see This 'Ish...I don't know What P's Me Off More That Guys Do This Stuff or That Some Gurls Actually Go For Guys Who Do This Stuff. Maybe I'm Outdated, but...
No Matter What U Say, A Person is Judged By Tha Guy or Gurl They Are With. I'm not Even Talking About Physical Looks. I'm talking about How You Interact With Each Other. And if You Allow Someone To Cheat On You Every Week or Use You Only For Your Money or Disrespect You Verbally and Physically and You Call That "Luv", Then That Says a Lot About Who You Are. I know it's Tough to Find Somebody and How 'Bad Sex is Better Than No Sex' but Don't Sell Urself Short. Just Don't.
Which is Probably How All This Rambling Got Started tonight. Trying To Remain Calm and Sane Despite Of...Listen, I got a Bomb Life, I really Do. It's just I know What's Possible. And Who Is Possible. I'm just a Kid Who wants 2 Have Fun. As I said Before, Smiley Faces and Hearts Are All That Runs Through My Veins. Nothing More, Nuthing Less!
Hope Everyone Enjoyed Tha Stories. More 2 Come.
Enjoy Life and Don't Ever Quit. As Long as U Still Have Breath, U Got a Shot. Give It Ur All and Leave No Stone Unturned. And Tha Results Will Take Care Of Themselves.
I Promise!
With Luv.
Austin.
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