Pussycat Toss.

I Sit Here At My South Beach Studio...At My IKEA Table...Apple Earbuds, YSL Sunglasses and a Watch That Doesn't Tick Nor Tock.

Should Be Getting Ready To Go 2 Tha Gym Right Now...But Somehow Our Trainers Are Leading Me 2 Rest Our Body...As an Eagle Before He Leaves Tha Flock.

There Has Been Quite a Bit of Stuff Going On, It's Really Unbelievable...We Can Feel it In Tha Air, This Fun Spaceship Taking Off...With Me Being Both Captain Kirk and Dr. Spock.

Something is In Tha Air 2night...Just Gonna Let Our Stylus Be Tha Driver...On This Bus Ride, I'm Heading 2 Tha Far Back...For This Journey Has No Clock.

Money, Sex, Girls...That's All Us Miami Guys Think About Right? Every Once in Awhile U Can Toss in Fitness and a Good Meal, This I must Admit.

But Let's Be Real...Being Tha Ghetto Dr. Seuss of Cyberspace...Most of Our Efforts as Guys is To Appease Tha Opposite Sex Right? Some Cases Every Single Bit.

Tha Fancy Rides...Which I Love...Tha Impeccable Wardrobes With Designer Names That End in Vowels...Us Guys Do A lot 2 Get Inside a Gally's More Often Than Not, Pad Locked Rose Kit.

Early 2day I was Thinking How Can I Get This Gurl's Attention Whom I Rarely See...Should I Send a Note Via Pigeon...Via A Mutual Co-Worker...Keeping One Eye Towards Tha Door Like Harvey Dent.

Get It...Harvey Dent...Two-Face...I Guess I'm Tha Only Batman Fanatic in This Galaxy, So I'll Move on.

But Dating And How One Tries 2 Gather Attention is Crazy...I Remember Literally Going All over Town Just So I Could Impress This Girl With a Freaking Teddy Bear!

Yep! U Heard it Right...But She Was Just a Beautiful Gal From Argentina...With Flawless Brown And Black Highlighted Hair...A Flawless Face...While In Class I Couldn't Help But Stare.

I Rare Mot Try 2 Embrass Myself By Trying 2 Speak Español...We Know Those Messi's and Mía Maestro's Down There Speak 2 'Perfection'...With a Non Rolling of Tha 'R's' enticing a Bullfighting Stare.

But Here I was, Laying On Tha Floor of My Studio, Writing Down a Battleship Plan 2 Get This Girl...From What Type of Teddy To Tha 'Mack Daddy' Lines To What Polo 2 Wear.

I Ended Up Getting 2 Know Her Actually Very Well...(Insert Smiley Face Emoji)...I Always Get 2 Know Tha Gurl I Want...But She Was Taking and When I Saw Tha Guy I was Like...Huh.

So All of Us Guys Here in South Beach, Especially Us Ballers Who Spend Bones on Expensive Haircuts, Half A Gallon Milks That Cost $5 and Live With High Disregard 2 'No Parking Allowed' Signs, Always Think We're Tha Definition of Sex and Fun.

How Can Not A Gurl, But Any Girl Resist Our Ageless Bodies, Our Trust Fund Bank Accounts and Tha Ability 2 Get 50 Yard Line Seats 2 Dolphins Games Cuz Our Boy...Who Knows a Boy...That Accidentally Once Spilled a Drink in Tha Grove...Owes Us One.

So When A Girl is Taking We Automatically Think...'I Woulda Shagged Her if She Was Single' or Tha Popular, 'I Can Still Bang Her if I Wanted 2'...With Only a Wedding Ring Giving Off Tha Indication That Ur Done.

So Yes...Since I've Moved Down to This Fantasy Island of South Beach Back in 2005...I'm Now Officially One of Them Dudes Gals Either Luv...Like Really Luv...Or Just Can't Stand.

Tha Type of Guy Who Ignores All Tha Signs That a Girl Digs You and Then Turns Around and Says...'These Miami Chicks Are Fake and Overrated!' Yet U Just Had one Who Was Willing 2 Be in Ur Band.

But Depending on Tha Week She Might Get in...One Week it's Sexy Fitness Babes...Tha Next it's A Gal Who Can Cuddle...Another Week it's a MILF Who's Hotter Than Her Two College Daughters But Is Open 2 A 'No Strings Approach' With a Man.

She Does Things U've Only Heard While Watching 'Scribble Scramble TV' on Late Night Cinemax...Plus She's Involved In Charities, Knows How 2 Cook Perfect Mac 'N Cheese and Does Yoga On Tha Beach 2 Get In Tune With Her Soul and Golden Sands.

This is About 2 Get Unedited...But it's our Diary...

So Ok...I was Like Involved In This Class Once, at Tha Gym I Attended and This Gurl was In There With Me, But I was Like Missing Tha Signs.

First Tha Instructor Came Over, to Help With Our Form...And She Was On My Left Side...Thinking About Quitting and While Sweating Like a Grand Jury Testimony, I'm like 'Keep Going, Keep Going', You'll be just Fine.

But She was in Whatever Mode, Which I Didn't Like...I Want My Dames 2 Never Stop....I'll just Let Ur Mind Roam on That One...But Never Let a Rough Night Distract U From a Joyous Morning Sunshine.

I'm Thinking She's Not Really My Type...More of a...Shall I say...New York Spoiled Rich Girl...Curly Black Hair, Thin Build With Sorta Semi-Pale Freckled Skin...Kinda Cute but Not Immediately, At Least 2 Me...An All-Time.

So Tha Instructor Comes Over to me, and Then Says Something To Her...And She Says Something Like...'But He Has Such Big Muscles' and Right Then My Ears Perked Up on Our Freak-O-Meter Like From Never...To...If I'm Drunk...To...She Might Be Down!

I made A Sly Remark, cuz I was Wearing My Tank Top, and In Typical "3-Oh-5" Chica Style...She Repeated it Again...Talking About My Body...Just 2 See What I'm Made Of...U Girls Know U Test Us 2 See If us Guys are A Puppy or Straight Bloodhounds!

There Was A Mirror In Front Of Us...So Now She's in My Head a Tad...I'm Half Concentrating On This Brutal Workout, And With Tha Other Half Trying 2 Get a Peek at Her Pitcher's Mound!

All I Could Think About Is...I Can Smash This Girl...I Just Know it...It's Very Rare That Us Miami Guys Pass Up a Free Piece of Toosh...For Better or For Worse...I got Pretty High Standards But I Knew She Doesn't Belong 2 Tha Gym, So It Could Be on Tha Hush and Wouldn't Make a Sound.

I Asked Her What Her Name Was...She Told Me...Found Out She Lived in Like Tha Brickell Area Here in Miami...So Now I'm Thinking About Hooking Up With a Girl On Top of Stocks, Being Handcuffed With Bonds, All Whole Doing it Bull Market Style!

Plus...I Think I, Not Broke Up...But was In a Sensitive Mood After Something with 'Some Chick' (Patent Miami Dude Phrase)...So Part of Me was Trying To Take it Easy...Another was.."Let's Get Buck Wild!"

Just Talking 2 Her Though, I Felt...I'm being Honest...I Felt Like She wanted 2 Have Sex, and That She Had a Freaky Side Of Her That She Wanted Me 2 Tap (No Pun Intended!)...Mentally I Had 2 Pull in All Ranks and Files.

Cuz it Takes a Lot 2 Impress Me, and Gals Have Always Dug Me...But Sometimes not Dug Me...With Alternative Motives 2 Me or My Fun Personality...How I'm Really a Blazing Hot Pepper That Can Switch His Swag 2 Mild.

If that Wasn't Enough Tha Story Gets Crazier...We were in Tha Cool Down Portion of Tha Class...Lights Low, Shoes Off...Sitting on Tha Mat About 2 Go Into Some Karate Kid 'Wax On, Wax Off' Mental Zen Philosophy.

Homegurl is Late To Tha Cool Down...Runs in...And Sits RIGHT in Front of Me on Her Mat..Kicks Off Her Shoes...Is In Her Socks and Takes a Glance at Me.

I Didn't Notice it Then, but I Noticed it Now...As She Was Standing in Front of Me and Before She Sat Down, All I Could Think was, 'This Girl Has A Really...Like Really Nice Booty!' Truly A Crazy Sight 2 See.

Now I'm Really Contemplating What 2 Do...Those Black Tights Were Tight...She was Like Thin in build With a Slim Waist But Very Curvy Butt That Fit Her Perfectly...I literally 2 Took a Big 'Gulp' and Tried 2 Give Cupid a 'I Need Help' Plea!!!

Brothers and Sisters of Tha Galaxy...She Went 'All in' on Me...Not Holding Nuthing Back, and Everything I'm Saying Here 2nite is Truly No Lie.

Tha First Stretch We were Told, In Between Tha Sounds of Tha Amazin Rainforest, To Bend Over to Tha Front And Place Our Hands on Tha Mat...Once Again, Another Big 'Gulp!' along With a Sigh.

I Bend Down...And So Does She...I'm Trying Not To Look But Us Magic City Guys Can't Help it...Her Butt is 2 Feet in Front Of My Face...Literally! I Don't Believe In Death but This Would Be a Great Way 2 Die.

I'm Looking At Her Thick Booty Staring at Me...And Guess What...So is She!!!! No Hobo on this...As She's Bending Down She Looking at Me through Her Legs 2 See if I'm looking At Her...My Oh My!

So Now I'm Trying 2 Play it Off, but I can Sense That She's Putting Her Absolute 'Best Butt Forward' on this Stretch...Inside I'm Thinking She's Totally Playing So Unfair.

Ok. Next Stretch. Lay on Ur Tummy And...Wait Hold Up...It Was This One: 

Thanks Google! So She Had 2 Arch Her Back and Her Legs and Butt was All in My Face...I'm usually Cool, but this Chick Had Me Like Headlights and a Deer.

Every Move She Made, I felt Was an Attempt 2 Turn Me On...But it was Like She was Trying Too Hard...Us Beach Dudes Want What We Can't Have...So I Had 2 Really Think About Falling Into This Blatant Seduction With a Girl Who Obviously Didn't Give a Care.

Thinking I'm Single...She's Playing Hardball, but Nobody Would Know anything...It's Obvious She's a Freak, I'm Turning Her On...But With Each Stretch and Passing look at Her Fluffy A--, I wasn't Sure if it was Me...Or if Top Notch Flirting was Her Career.

Time was Winding Down in Tha Class...I was Playing 'Rock, Paper, Scissors' on What To Do...I'm Single, I'm was in Wanting Sexy Friends' Mode, but I Had 2 Be Like Craig David and Walk Away.

She Had a Muy Enticing Body, And This...Like...Freaky Side Where I'm Sure Every Position, Open Hole and 'Let's Give it a Try!' Persona That For Sone is Awesome...But for me...Not on That Day.

She was On Me Fa Sure...But I felt like She Has Always Gotten What She Wanted...I Knew This was  gonna Be a 'No Strings Attached' Relationship... Cute Gal. Only Sex. I know, I know...For That Many Guys Would Pay.

But I'm Truly Not Many Guys...I Enjoy Tha Company Of Beautiful Women...As They Do With Me...But Guys Know When They Either get with a Controlling Gurl or Somebody Who U Can't get Rid Off...I said, 'Nice 2 Meet You' And Continued My Day!

How in Tha Heck Did I Get into There?!!! IDK...Guess Tha Lesson is just Because You are Single And Guys or Gurls or Both...Are Throwing Themselves At You, Doesn't Mean You Gotta Just Go For Whatever.

A Lotta Dudes Woulda Tried Hard For Her...But When Somebody is Trying 2 Seduce You From Tha Jump...THAT HARD...Guys of Worth Like Myself Take a Step Back like...Is She About Tha Dough? Does She Just want a Kid by Me? People, but Many Gals are Slick and Cleaver.

Putting Holes in Condoms, Stealing Money From Ur Wallet or Having Guys Trick Off Dust on Fendi Purses and Red Bottom Shoes, When in Reality They just Waiting 2 Pull Tha 'I Want Half' Pulley and Lever.

My Life is Crazy...Gurls Have Done Some Stuff to Get Our Attention...U Never Pass on Authentic Opportunities as a Bachelor, Never Put Ur Standards Ultra High...But Sometimes Not Giving in To Free Kitty or 'Richard' ...Leaves You Better.

That's it. I gotta Eat. 

Be Patient and It Will Come!

Luv and Fun Always!

Peace Out!