"Ga-Ga...Goo-Goo!"

I Don't Even Believe I'm Writing Right Now...This Was Gonna Be a Night of Zen.

This Has Already Been a Unique Day From Tha Get...Waking Up At 3:30 am Dreaming about This Sexy Gurlfriend.

A Stunning Beauty With Perfect Blue Eyes to Match a Flawless Face...Outside of a Church...Although Her Beauty wanted Me 2 Commit Sin.

I've Have Always Dreamt (First Ghetto Slang of Tha Night!) Dreams With Tha Most Heavenly Gurls U Can Imagine...That's Why I know in Real Life I'm Gonna End Up With a "10"!

Then After Waking Up...It's 3:30 am and I just Had a 'Delightful' Dream, I Decided 2 Go Take a Leak in My Bathroom...Of Course Like Every Hungry Man Guy...With No Lights.

I Pull Out My 'Rocketship' To Release Some Unwanted Fuel...And All of A Sudden I Hear some Splashing Like I'm Missing My Mark...I'm a Pilot Who Rarely Misses His Directive Flight.

So I Reluctantly Turn on Tha Lights and Yep...There's A Huge Puddle of 'Rocket Fuel' on Tha Floor...Gurls Do U Still wanna Date Me After Picturing This Sight?!!

So I Literally Use Every Paper Towel I Had Available and Some Cleaning Stuff 2 Mop up Tha Spill...I'm a Huge Germaphobe, and This Was Tha Last Thing I wanted 2 Be Doing When I Could Be Watching Kitchen Knives Informercials...A'ight!

Then I'm Driving on Tha Dolphin Expressway...And I Put This On a Stack of Playboy Magazines...People are Trying 2 Take Me Out on Tha Road!

Like...As I Write This I'm Trying to Think of Any Gurls Whose Family Members May be Mad at Me...Cuz They Are Taking Risks So Bold.

Usually During This Season, I'm Willing 2 Take One For Tha Team...I Already Got My Neckbrace, Backbrace, and Cast in Tha Car, as Well as a Well Written Statement in 10 pt. Ariel Font on How Tha Hare Ran over , Me...Tha Toad.

Miami Drivers Are Crazy Anyway...I'm Sorry but Everytime I Get behind Somebody With an Handicap Hanger Thingy, I'm like...'Here We Go'...Unnecessary Braking Going On While I'm Trying 2 Text Gurls...Left Signal, Then Turn Right...This Must Be Told.

But How They Trying To Put Tha 'Hitman' on Me is That, They Are Driving Parallel, and Then They Are Crossing Tha Dotted Lines.

So Say, I'm in Tha Middle Lane, All of a Sudden Tha Car in Tha Left or Right Lanes are Trying 2 Booty Bump Me...This Has Happened at Least 3 Times.

Just Recently. It Feels Like Some Mob Job...Like Somebody Hired a Dude With Nothing 2 Lose, All Tha Way From Long Island, And He's Switching Cars like George Clooney Switching Dimes!

People Say I'm Poloroid...Or Paranoid...But When U As a Kid used To Go to Sleep To Gunshots, Tire Blowouts and Ambulances...U'll be on High Alert Like Tha US Military Trusting Very Few Kind.

Then I was At Work...And I Shouldn't Even Admit This, but This Is My Diary and I'm Quite Weird...Let me just Say...Mom and Pops Please Turn Ur Head for This Stanza.

Like...Has Anybody Thought About Sex like...All Day?!! Like Ur Almost Spaced Out, Thinking About Somebody...With Their Face Down in a Pillow...Peaches Down...Plum Up...With Muffled Shouts of 'Who's Tha Boss?' Like Tony Danza!

Then U Start To Make These Faces Outta Nowhere, Followed by a Smile...Folks are Looking at U Crazy...Not Knowing Tha Thoughts in Ur Head are Truly a Ultra Fantasied Extravaganza!

I know I ain't Tha Only One...But it Was One of Those Days Where I Was Stuck in This Zoo...And It Felt Like Mating Time For Kung Fu Panda!

This Was a Wild Day...About An Hour Ago, here in South Beach along Pennsylvania Ave, I felt like This Guy was Following Me.

I need 2 Start Carrying Some Mace With Me or Better Yet one of Those Small Honking Things that Alerts Everyone a Dangerous Character is Approaching with Nowhere for me 2 Flee.

Dude, I'm Serious as a Two-Dollar Bill...I asked My Boss Tha Other Day how Would She Feel if I had a Bodyguard...Not Kevin Costner...But a Real Bodyguard named Snuggles to be With Me as My 'OG'.

You Gotta Start Planning For Success...Cayman Island Bank information...A List of Alias Names to Check into Hotels With...Of Course it's Jack Tripper...And Tha Contact Name Of Tha Snowman...And I Ain't Talking No Frosty With Skis.

I Gotta A Text From My Bro, in Regards to a Guy Who posted Something In Facebook...I'm not even on Facebook but Just like Any other Kingpin...Word Comes Around.

I had 2 Get off Of Tha Book of Face cuz I almost Got...Catfished...I had No idea What That Even Meant Except That U Put Some Bomb Seasoning like my Aunt Mary and Slap on Some Louisiana Hot Sauce With a Slice of White Bread...That How we Get Down!

But I was on Tha Gig, and All of a Sudden This 'Super Hot Gurl' Sends Me Some Photos...Carmel Skin, Exotic Face, Big Butt...But Her info Was Saying She was From My Hometown.

I got FBI Agents...Guys and Gurls...All over Tha World...This Was A Hoax or Something...I said That Was it...(Whisper Voice)...Us Guys Always Want 2 Keep Tha Pictures...I Deleted Hers...But not After Staring at Them for a Few 'Extra Secs'...That Borderline Brought Me 2 a Frown.

What's up With Us Guys and Tha Visuals of Gurls...Instagram, UTube...Anyway...But This Guy Was Upset That I guess a Gurl Missed out On a Golden Chance.

Passing up an Opportunity With Him, Either to be With Somebody Else, I don't Know...But he used Sports Franchises as a Simile...Wasting a Good Dance.

I can Write About This For Days...As Can Other Guys and Gurls...Cuz u know Your a "Good Catch" but it's like Nobody Else Knows That But U, Ur Shadow and Ur Mirror...Even Ur Mirror Has 2 Ask For a Second Glace!

Get It! Mirror...Second Glance...This is What I'm Talking About, How am I Still Single?!!!?..Anyway...So He's Calm but Disturbed at How People Can Not See Tha Opprtunity for Tha Perfect Suitor For Romance.

Two Things...It's Always Two Things With This Diary Huh?!!...

One, Just Because Everybody knows Apples Are Good For U, Doesn't Mean Everybody Eats Them.

Two...Not Getting Tha Gurl or Guy You Want Could be Tha Best thang For Ya.

It Took me a While, I mean awhile To get Over Some of Tha Guys Gurls Would End Up Dating after Tossing Into Tha Trash Can like Oscar Tha Grouch!

Tha Worse Was Me Hitching a Ride, being in Tha Back Seat of a Car, and Listen 2 Tha Driver Tell his Homeboy About This Gurl Who is So Amazing and Special...A "Good Gurl" With Beauty in Her Pouch.

Talking About Swallowing Your Pride...And Almost Wanting 2 Cry...Cuz I had This Wild a Experience With Her, Where She Couldn't Even Date or Some Cocky Many Excuse From Underneath Her Soul's Couch.

Now I See Them "2gether", Homedude is Bragging on Her Like Xena Tha Warrior Princess, and I'm like Without Me This Chick Would Still Have a Padlock on Her Heart, Soul and Her Cooch...That Doesn't Rhyme but U get Tha Picture!

What I have Learned Though is After Somebody Doesn't Want You...Either as a Friend, Lover or Mate...U look at Them Differently...Honestly it's Like Them Not Wanting you Elevates You.

You use...At Least I have...Used Silly Rejections as Motivation...Ok, U Don't Want Me...Im gonna Be Sexier, Better and More Clever Than Ever...And U Will Regret it Too.

I never Want Harm, but It's Incredible How Many Gurls a Have Passed on Me...And Then Come Back To me, After I took Tha High Road and Not Cussed Them out or Put a Pineapple in Their Car Muffler and Have Been Mad Cool.

Maybe...Well, A Lot of People Want What They Can't Have...So After They See Tha 'Improvement' or Lack of Attention Given, Then All of a Sudden They Don't wanna Be 'That Fool'.

Everyone Has Different Tastes and Preferences, Which is Why If u like Someone U Should Say So...Cuz U never Know You just Might be Their Type.

I was Walking inside my Building Her, After being Stalked, and I saw This Guy and Woman walking...She Had A Bouquet of Roses, and I'm thinking Homedudes Late as "Beep" But She Looked Happy Which is Tight.

Then me Being a Luv Analyst, was Looking...She's Taller than Him...He's Dressed Geeky...Her like Tha Marc Jacobs Dressed High School Librarian Everybody Wanted 2 Sleep With Every Night.

They were Different...On Tha Outside...But Doesn't mean They Ain't meant For Each Other...We can't Take it Personal...Some Like Apples...Other Oranges...Some Like Batman...Others Superman's Might.

Real Quick.

So This Weekend I Stopped at a Pollo Tropical Restaurant on Tha "Other Side of Town" off of Biscayne Blvd...It was an Intriguing Dynamic 2 Say Tha Least.

Folks Were Gonna Wild Up in There...I almost Had 2 Double Hand Pimp Slap cuz This Guy was Messing with my Pineapple Rum Sauce I Had Ready...Never Mess With My Sauce, Or out Comes Mode Beast.

But I Witnessed At least Two Couples Who were Serious about This Food...TWO! They were acting like This Was Some Buckingham Palace Feast. 

I was Thinking, This is Freaking Pollo Tropical, I Get this Almost Everyday What's Tha Big Deal? Ah Ha! But that's Where I had 2 Catch Myself and Not Buy in 2 Egotism...Not Even Give in To a Lease.

Love is Love. And it was kinda Refreshing 2 See Folks just Enjoy a Meal...No Matter Where it was at...They just Wanted 2 Eat and Be Together.

With My Lifestyle and a Lotta Tha Gurls I meet...It's about Chanel Bags...Prime 112... Yardbird...Yardhouse Eats...U better Not Mention Sears or Aldi's or Tha Dollar Store...Those 2 Birds Won't Flock 2Gether.

Sometimes us Guys Feel Pressured To Take Chicks to these Places Give Certain Brand Names as Gifts...Yes, u Can Afford it...But Do u Luv Or Like Me For Me or just This 'Put it In Tha Bag' Whenever Weather?

So Even Though a Fast Food Joint isn't Considered A Great Eat, especially on Valentine's Day Weekend, For Some They Could Care Less...They Appreciate Tha Time, Who cares About Tha Food...And When it Comes 2 Dating...

Is There Really Anything Better?!!

Ok. Secondly.

This Weekend I made a Statement I Stand On To This Hour...There is Not One Gurl from My Past...And There Has Been a Telephone Book Full...That I Wish I Had 2day.

Not One. For Some Reason I've been Seeing Things, Hearing Things...And its Wild How u Can Be in "I Gotta Have Them" Mode One Week, and Tha Next U Forgot What Name 2 Say.

Keep Saying...When U Fight Tha Current of Luv Which I Have, and it Repels U Away From Somebody...There's Probably Something U Don't know About Them Which Prevents Them from Joining Tha Fray.

That was a Good Band by Tha Way...In Tha Past I Have Texted, Called, Approached Folks 'On Tha Clock' for Explanations or Invites, When Tha Blockkery (Ghetto Slang #2) From Tha Luv gods Found it Better For Ur a Heart to be at Bay.

Look People Behind Close Doors Can Be Crazy (True.)...Possessive (No Matter How Good Tha Pussycat is, Never That!)...And Flat Out Change Over Time or Once They Got You.

Tha Biggest Thang For Me...Isn't Tha 'Bounceback' Period after Having a Baby...But Tha Youthful, I Guess Inner and Outer Beauty That I Want in My Gal...It's True.

Stuff Happens in Life, but Listen...I've Seen Some Smoking Hot Senior Citizens...Like I Would Get a Motel 2night Hot! I Expect That From Myself As Well...Always Enjoying Sunny Skies and Skies So Blue.

Life is About Perspective, So I look at A Positive Mindset...Positive Habits Now That Indicates...Ok, Austin...She Eats Clean, Works Out, Always Says 'Hi' or 'Have a Nice Day!'...That Spirit is Forever Young, And Sooner or Later Tha Beauty or Ugliness You Posses on Tha Inside, It Will Show on Tha Outside. 

No Rhyme Needed.

It Took Me awhile To be like...Can I Say Tha "F-Word" Openly? But it Took Me awhile To be like "Forget This!" I was like Big Sean and Kayne...'Hold Up! Hold Up! Hold Up!'

U Take a Look Around And Ur Like...I'm Chasing These Chicks??? That's Twisted like Keith Sweat...I'm Tha One With Tha Personality, Fun Factor, Luv of Life, Money, Sexy Bod...Why am I Acting like a Scooby-Doo Pup?!

Women I know, and Strangers Alike Share info With Me How 2 Treat 'Tha Right Gurl' so Why am I Beggin' For Somebody I Don't Even Know, When I KNOW For a Fact My Life is Heading Into Tha Linage of King Tut!

You Can Only Do So much 2 Persuade Somebody, Either It's There or It Ain't...And Trust Me, If U Honor Tha Game of Luv by Being True 2 Urself, it Will Repay You and U'll be Toasting Champagne Glasses instead of Red Cups!

My Only hope is This, And I've Committed Myself To It.

If Somebody Doesn't Want to Be With Me, it's Because They See Tha Real Me! This was "Kobe Weekend" in Tha NBA, and I'll never forget That quote...

If Tha Fans are Gonna Luv You or Hate You, Then At Least Let Them Base Their Opinion on Tha Real You.

Don't be Phoony.

So if Somebody Doesn't Want My Goofy Jokes, My Interest in Fashion, My Ghetto ways of Eating Day Old Cornbread mixed With Buttermilk, Or a How I like 2 Send Roses...Or I Like 2 ask Tha Question, 'Who's Ur Daddy?'...Physically, Sexual or Heavenly...If They Say 'No' to All That...Then I Will, Not Can...But Will Sleep Like a Baby.

I Honestly Will.