Ok. This might be my last post I write for awhile. My mind and Spirit is, IDK, it's in a Weird place between One Final Push and Starting Anew. I've Put myself Out here in Cyberspace For So Long Talking About A Very a Sensitive Subject in Luv and Trying 2 Reach Ur Goals. I have a Fun Life, but it's Been Quite Difficult. Like Tha Harder U Push, Tha More Difficult it gets. In my Soul, I've Felt like I've Done Nuthing But be Me. But in Many ways, U Know it Feels Like it just hasn't Been Good Enough. There just Comes a Point Where U Fight and Fight...And Self-Motivate Urself until Exhaustion. Been At This a Long Time and Frustration can Set In When You Literally Feel Like 'Tha Only One' who cares or Is In Your Awkward Situation. U Wonder if U Should Be Happy or Mad? If Tha Best Days are in Front of You or if You've wasted Efforts in Tha Past for Naught. Sometimes Life is a Blessing, Others Times it Feels Like a Flat Out Curse In Which I Have No Explanation For. I Luv Life...I Enjoy Life...But No Matter How Many Times I'm Told 'Don't Quit', There's That Sentiment Like...My Friends or My Family NEVER Had 2 Go Through Anything Like This. Are They Lucky? Does God Luv Them More? I'm a Straight Up Dude Who Considers Himself One of Tha Silliest and Most Fun People That Has Ever Lived. But How Many Times Can u Zen Out, or Lay Awake At Night or Believe only Until U Have Ur Dreams Still not Come True? Hella Hard.
So I'm just Gonna Let This Diary Write itself. What ever Happens Happens. It may be My Final Go, It May Not. I'm not Depressed or Anything...But When U Feel like Ur Good Message of 'Fun and Luv' and Ur Personality feels Like U Always Have 2 Do a Million Backflips to get Noticed...And Nobody is Around 2 Really Pump U Up...Except You. One Gets Tired of Tha Talking, Been There-Done That, For Real...It's time 2 Live.
Time 2 Live...
So Here We Are Several days before V-Day, and I do Nuthin But Reflect just on This Year Alone.
Our Life has Been One of Hollywood Lure, That New Year's Craziness Truly Set Tha Tone.
It's been Non-Stop like a United Airlines Flight...People Coming, People Going...Refusals 2 Pick Up Tha Phone.
My Spirit is On of Wanting Others 2 Feel my Joy...I Work Hard 2 Churn Tha Ice Cream So Others Can Lick Tha Cone.
That 'Last Mile' Has Been Tha Most Difficult of My Time...Every night in Presidential Debates on Whether 2 Stay In This Race or Simply...Quit.
Every Time U Feel like Tha Corner is Being Turned, A Wheel Spins Out...On a Unforeseen Road So Slick.
I've Talked A Lot About My Luv Life...Tha Most Difficult Verses, Especially For a Egotistical Guy Like Myself 2 Spit.
Describing Without any Filter, How it Feels 2 Be This Most Eligible of Bachelors...But While Tha Game of Luv is Going On, Ur Being Forced on Tha Bench 2 Sit.
Many Times it's Like I Shouldn't Be Writing How I really Feel...NOBODY ELSE IS...So Why Am I Being So Open?
Others Keep Their a Trials of Love, Relationships and Career So Private, While With Me Every Post is a Late Night Sit Down With Cohen.
Then I Feel Like This Could Hurt My Chances With a Doll...Oh, He's So Deep...Oh, He's Desperate and Thirsty 2 Find a Gurl...When in Reality I Know I'm Tha Best Juice...Just be Cool if I had Some Sexy Gin.
It has Felt Like Not a Drought...But like I'm Alone on this Island, With No other Answers Left Of How 2 Leave...A Ginger or a Mary Ann Would Be Nice...Sometimes it ain't So Fun Being Gilligan.
Inside I'm questioning Is There a Some a Magic Potion To a Successful Life...With Tha Influential Job and With a Dame Who's Real and All in All...Cool?
It's Like a Battle of Tha Have's and Tha Have Not's...I See Tha Smiles, and Hear Tha Laughs on Tha a Shallow End...But There's a Yellow Rope Keeping me On Tha Deep Side of This Pool.
There's a Feeling Of Others Are Getting Away Scott-Free, While I'm Forced To See Tha Police Superintendent of Luv, Day and Night...Whether Beside on My Knees or Sitting on a Stool.
Such and Such ain't Doing This...Such and Such Has Tha Six Figures And Dual Facebook Profile With His Honey, While I'm like a Mad Scientist Trying Every Technique...Using Every Flask and Tool.
One of Tha Keys 2 Success is Not 2 Compare Urself 2 Others, But I'm in a 'No Holds Barred' Situation Where All of My Friends and Even Brother are In Different Stages of This Life of Ring.
They Say Marriage Doesn't Change Things...That's a Bunch of Cheese Puff Balls! Cuz it Does...Especially When U Are Tha Only Single One That As Yet 2 Do That "Jump Over Tha Broom" Thing.
If I never Get Married...So be it, I'm Fine...Totally Am...But I'm just Fed Up...With Tha Capital "F" and "U" being Symbolic Here...Of Meeting People or Gurls Who are Fake and Give Deceiving Words 2 Sing.
If U Don't Wanna Be With Me...Fine...I'm a Vet, I can Handle it...But It's Like Tha Luv Gods keep Sending Me Gal after Gal To Be in My Life For an Episode or Two...Then...Poof ! It Was Just a Fling.
When I Write About That "Nice Guy" Stuff, I mean it...I Hate being Called That...Cuz, In My Opinion, I feel like Many Gurls Don't want That...Until They've Been Hurt.
I Almost Feel like Some of Those Great Musicians or Athletes of Our Time...U Knew U Were Witnessing Something Special, But U Didn't Realize How Special They Were Until They Left Tha Stage For Good or That Particular Sports Court.
Then it's Like After You See Tha Others After Them...It just Ain't Tha Same...Tha Thrill, Tha Electricity in Tha Air, How They Wore Their Concert Outfits or Jerseys...A Headline Act on Tha Celebrity Report.
I'm an Ultra Humble Guy Considering What I've Been Blessed With or Where I've Been...So When I Give a Golden Invitation and They Decline...Inside I'm like I Wouldn't Do that if I Was You...Cuz I know That Our Life is on a Golden Transport.
2night I'm Just Letting Go...I'm not Chasing Luv...I'm not Chasing Pussy or Gurls...I'm just Gonna Try 2 Remain Calm and At Peace...Cuz When U've Dealt With My Cards, U Feel as If it's a Trick Deck.
Like You can't Trust Anything On Face Surface...From A Initial Job Interview from Tha Exchanging of Phone Numbers To Even a Cute Hug or Peck.
Think Tonight I'm Just Releasing Tha Past and All Those Disappointments...Hey, When Ur As Open and Free as We Are...It Can Be Intimidating 2 Some...And I'm As Confident As They Come or Gets.
I Like Tha New York Yankees, and Everybody Who Looks Like A Yankee, Isn't Yankee Material...Tha Bright Lights, Tha Expectations, Tha Having 2 Be 'On'...Some Don't Want Their Feet 2 Get Wet.
But There's No Grander Stage, and Others Say 2 Themselves I've Been Waiting For This All My Life...I Go into Situations Looking at What Can Go Right Instead of Going Wrong.
That's Why I text ( Or Used To Text) a Gurl, Even Though She Dissed and Ignored Me...Or Say 'Hi' When I Should Be Cussing Them out...I Move On, Because List and Experiences Are Too Long.
Mentally I know Who I am, Where I Stand, How I Treat Gurls and People...If a Person Doesn't Want a Guy or Lifestyle Like Me...They must be on Another Tip...Cuz I'm Playing Wimbledon While They Playing Ping Pong!
But I have Always Felt, Even Being So Open Writing this...That Tha People or Gurls Who Get This, Are Those Who've Been Through It..Or Striving To It...Everybody Doesn't Want 2 Change Tha World, But For Me That's Tha Only Bell That Goes Ding...Dong!
As I Jot 2night, I realize I can't Stop because Tha Story isn't Complete...But Their Are so Many Emotions that Go into Obtaining a Lifestyle So Oscar Worthy.
It's Embarrassing 2 Be So Open...But Then Again It's Not...Cuz if I can Help One Person Continue on, And Not have 2 Go Through What I go Through...I'll Gladly Be This Weird Type Of Birdie.
This Hasn't Been a Ploy 2 Get Laid, or Find a Perfect Job or Gal...This is Simply a Diary of Our Life...Hoping 2 Share Luv and Fun...While Being Ultra Honest of Tha Pursuit While Tha Road Increase in Being Curvy.
I'm Gonna Get What I Want...We Have Paid Our Dues 100X Over...It may Not Seem Fair But It's A Lot of Stuff U have 2 Go Through 2 Reach Tha Stars...But When U Do...U Will Truly Shine...
And All Will Say...Luv Him or Hate Him...That Goofy Dude and What He Stood For...
Was Something...
Outworldly.
Peace and Luv!
Smooches!
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