I'll Take A Scotch and A Tall Glass of You...Yessiree! Boy, I never knew That These Domestic Flights Could Be So...Appealing. So used taking Private Flights that A Young Bloke Can Lose Touch...Thank you Sweetheart For Tha Drink. Let me Just Ask you, Does Membership to The Mile High Club, Is That a Gift With Purchase?!! That's a Pretty Smile You Have. How about U Give Me Tha Code to Tha Wi-Fi Along With Your Digits?...A Pen and Paper...Why Of Course.
(Scribble...Scribble...Scribble...Scribble...Scribble...Riiipp!!)
Why Thank You. I luv A Gal Who Signs Her Name With a Heart. I see U When We Land Sweetie.
(Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!...Ahhh!)
Sin City. You Gotta Luv it. This Scotch is Brilliant. You know You Can a Lot About A Woman by How She Makes Her Drinks. Yep. One time I was at This Broads House on Tha Other Side of Tha Hills. She Was A Straight Up Typical Valley Girl. A Beach Blond, Volleyball Body...Yoga on Tha Sand in Tha Morning, Followed By Maxing Out Pops' Credit Card on Melrose in Tha Evening. (Gulp! Gulp!...Ahhh!)
Yeah, Her Folks were Loaded. Her Mom like Owned This Hair Salon, That "Those" Type of People go to. But on Saturdays...Talk about Babe Central. I went once Over there and Jennifer Aniston Was Getting Her 'Bop' or Whatever Done. Fellas, You have Not Lived until You've Seen Rachel Green Without Her Makeup. Total Hottie. Her Do-able Meter Went Up 3 Notches With Tha Encounter. Believe You Me.
(Gulp! Gulp...Ahhh!)
So I Went to Tiffany's Spot. She Put on Some Justin Timberlake which was kinda Weird. I'm more of a Sinatra Guy when it Comes to Setting Tha Mood. But if It Means That I can Smell Tha Roses Later, I'll Listen to Whatever You Want To Water Tha Plant! If u know What I mean. Where on Her Couch that looked Totally Looked like Something Out of Tha Cindy Crawford Rooms To Go Collection, I Prefer Something Italian to Match My Fendi Suit, but Again...Once You Hear "Clap! Clap!" And Tha Clapper Lights Go Dim, Big Cos Here Can't Tell If We're Making Out on Ikea Dollhouse Furniture or tha Latest Collection From Tha Salvation Army. My Hands Perform Tha Same. Trust Me.
(Sip...Sip...Ahhh.)
So We were Downstairs and There was a Bar. She asked if I Wanted something To Drink. I told her, 'Give Me Tha Best Thang You Got.' She gave Tha Typical..."Like...Totally...Okaaay!!!" She Bounced, literally Behind Tha Bar. I Hear Tha Glasses Clinging, Tha Scoops of Shaved Ice being Poured Into Tha Glasses. Tha Last Time I Anticipated a Drink As Bad as This Was When I Attended Tha MTV Awards Several Years Ago, And My Girl, Britney Performed My Favorite Song, "Gimme More!" Yeah...Let's Just Say I Got Severely Hammered After She Left Tha Stage.
(Gulp! Ahhh!)
I must Say This Scotch was Superbly Outstanding. Huh. So Next Thing I inow it, Tiffany Comes Over to Sit Next to Me, Tells Me to Close My Eyes, And No Guy Can Resists a Beautiful Blonde When She Says 'Close Your Eyes'. So I did, internally Hoping This Wasn't Gonna Turn into a Modern Day Samson and Delilah Scene. I took a Sip...And It Was...Kool-Aid??!!! I was Like 'Whahhh??!' At first I Thought it was Some New Hpnotik That just came Out. But I just Bought Tha New Jeezy Album, so If Something New was On Tha Scene, I mean Surely Jeezy Would've Gave Me At Least One Verse About it! But No...This Was Straight Up...Kool-Aid!!! And it Wasn't Even a Suburbia Flavor like Orange or Summertime Blue Raspberry, This Was Legit Ghetto 'Black Cherry'. I Ran Outta There. She Dropped Her Robe, and Was Standing There Naked Except For Tha Babs Bunny Tattoo on Upper Thigh. I looked. Kissed Her Thigh. And Tha Next Thing U Heard was My 458 Zooming off Into Tha L.A. Night. Never forget...How a Woman Makes Her Drinks is How She...
(Shake...Shake...Shake...Shake...Shake...Shake...)
Man, I can't be Haven't No Turbulence Right Now. I feel Lucky Tonight. As Soon as I Touch Down I'm Going Straight To Tha Casino. And Placing 15 Stacks On Tha Number 24. Always Bet on Kobe...Always! Ok...Tha Wi-Fi...Tha Wi-Fi...I wanted To See if This Galaxia Guy Wrote Anything. He's been Missing in Action So to Speak. Sources Have told Me He was At an Exotic Location For Tha Holidays visiting Family. Honey, if You Call Tha State of Indiana Exotic, Then U Can Slap Me Silly and Call Me Caitlyn Right Now! To Each Therir Own...
This Chick gave Me Tha Wrong Code 'To Tha Wi-Fiii, So They Can Talk About Their Timeline...And Show Me Pictures of Their Friends...Just To Tell Me They Ain't Really Friends!!' Oh, That Drizzy Drake...He might Be Tha Closest Thing We Have To Socrates. Does That Make Nicki Minaj Aphrodite?!!
(Prepare For Landing.)
Gosh, That Was Quick. Well, I Guess, I'll have 2 Go to this 'Thingy' with All I got On This Galaxia Fellow. Some Secret Stuff that I Pulled Out. Yeah, This is Gonna Be Crazy. As Elvis Would Say, 'Viva Las Vegas!' And As They Say...What Happens in Vegas...Stays in Vegas.
Tha Name. Cosmopolitan. Lil Cosmo For Short.
Vegas.
I. (Bump!) Have. (Bump! Bump!) Arrived.
Now Let's Boogie.
(Baggage Claim is F8. Connecting Flights To Reno. Gate B15. Connecting Flight To Boise. D23. Sioux Falls....)
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