But They Want Me To Write...Again...To Get Down and Dirty When I just Want 2 Bathe.
Reluctantly I'm Writing This Evening...And Answer Their Request in My Lil Jon Voice...'O...K-K-Kaaay!'
Just Want Tha Galaxy 2 Know I'm Giving My All just for you...I Want Luv and Fun 4 Everybody...I Everybody 2 Always Feel like It's Their B-Day.
So Tha Other Day I got a Chicken McNugget from My Cubana Madre Petra, on What Type of Gurl I need To Date Right Now!!
Outta Tha Blue She Told Me...'Austin, Now You need a Good Gurl, you always Go After Tha Bad Ones...But Now Choose a Good Gurl...A GOOD GURL!!!'...All I could Think is Wow.
She was Sooooo Serious, and I have no idea How She even knew about Tha Gurls I go after and Date...Like She Knew I like Party Gurls who Have "Meow's" That Are Tha 'Ka-Pow!!'
It Felt Like For Two Minutes She Was Possessed By All Tha Ghosts of Romantics Past to Tell Me That...I Was Waiting For Her Head 2 Spin and For Her Mouth 2 Start Foaming Hearts...Dripping Down Her Bowels.
Ew!! I know...But See I didn't Know How else to End That Rhyme So that's All I could Cone up With...
Anyways...
I've Talked Before about Tha Unseen Pressure in Who U Date...U like Somebody but U wonder if That person Is Gonna Fit in Right at Tha Family Reunion Get Together.
Or Sometimes You Really Like Somebody, but They are Tha Person Some of Ur Closest Friends Can't Stand...So If U Admit That's who u Dig...Ur Friends are Now a Gonna Give u Tha Blues of Stormy Weather.
Then You Sometimes Run Into Image...I got Loot, She's Cute but Doesn't Have Cash like My Family...Do I Wait For A Gucci Purse to go On Sale or Just Buy This One with Semi-Leather.
U got Interracial Dating...Body Image Issues like Is It Ok for this Muscular Hunk to Fall for This Full-Figured Hottie or Vice Versa...We all think about These Things Before We Pluck our Next Beauties Feather.
This is My Diary, So Bunk it...Honestly I've been All over Tha Board, All Different Sizes, Races, Colors...From Miami to International Seas Through Tha Golden Gate Bay.
Tha First Gurl I actually Told...Man I hope it ain't Gonna be one of These Posts! But Tha First Gurl I said 'I Luv You' to Was A Curly Haired Brunette with an Enticing Curvy Gurl...But...She Was Gay.
Which Showed Me That Two People No Matter Tha Sexuality Can Fall For Each Other, No Doubt...I Mean just Because Somebody Quit Eating Sausage, Doesn't Mean They Still Ain't Attracted 2 Tha Plate.
But it's Been amazing How Our Life Has Been, in Terms of Gurls it's Truly Been An A La Carte Tray.
Funny Thing Happened, So I Tried out a New Pair Of J's 2day...I Got Waaay Too Many Unworn Kicks so I Have 2 Wear Them...It Didn't Go As Planned.
So Tha Back of Tha Shoe kept Rubbing On Tha Skin of My Ankle...I felt like Both Ankles Were Gonna Start 2 Bleed, Leaving me Bloodied Up...a Oh Man!!
So I Went 2 A First Aid Kit and Grabbed Two Band-Aids and Place Them on Tha Back of Each Ankle, Then Began 2 Laugh Cuz I thought About This Columbian Doll I Once Knew In Which This Method She Was a Big Fan.
She Was Really...Really Attractive...Would Wear This Sexy Outfits From BeBe...Then Rock Her Heels During Tha Day...She Turned Many A Heads Especially With Her Ever Present Beach Tan.
But Then Tha Floodgates Began to Open in Our Mind...Thinking Upon All Tha Sexy and Mad a Cool Gurls I've grown To Know In My Time Here in Miami and South Beach.
Tha Faces...Tha Personalities...It's Unbelievable Really...Tha Lessons That I've Learned Are Ones I School They Either Don't Or Refuse To Teach.
Then a Male Ego Thought Hit Me...Who's Tha Hottest Gurl U've Either Seen...Or Known Just in Tha Miami Seasons...Which I Went Through Mostly Through Looks...Their Smile, Apples or Size of Their Peach.
So I think That's What Petra Was Trying to Tell Me a With This 'Good Gurl' vs. 'Bad Gurl' Thing...Not 2 Always Go For Looks...But what If Looks are Tha Gurls U Attract and Tha Other Gurls Aren't As Confident In Themselves To Meet Us Guys Half Way or At Least Reach.
Like...Society Always Says Guys Think Certain Gurls Are Too Good For Them...Well, Gurls Think Tha Same Way With Guys...This I Know.
Like U Can Be Digging A Gurl, Wanting To Get to Know Her, but She Can put Up All These Walls like What's a Guy like U Want in Me? Gurls and Guys...Am I Lying Though.
Then They End Up Dating Somebody Who isn't Kind...Fudge, I was on Biscayne Last a Night, and I literally saw This Guy Walk into Denny's Before Tha Gurl He Was With...Blasphemy Yo!!
But This is What I'm Talking About...It's Like Ur So Used to Driving a Geo Metro (I had 2 of Them so I Can Talk!), That When a Luxury Car Comes By U don't Feel Like Your Worthy of a Test Drive...When U Are...Take a Chance With Cool Joe.
I was Thinking About That Today How So Many only Date Friends of A Friend of A Friend...It's Wild...Nobody Wants To Face Tha Rejection of Tha Unknown.
U want 2 Be Able To Get Tha Scouting Report Before They Report 2 Training Camp...Fudge, I did it a Few Weeks ago...It Was Partially Right, with Some Important Info Missing...Sometimes U Have 2 See For Yourself How They Throw.
One Big Thing For...And This Is Just Me...Is a How Texting Has Effected Tha Dating Game...Do u Really Think After Going a Through This Gurl and That Gurl...Brazilian and Blasians That I Want 2 Text For 3 Hours Over Tha Phone?
No...Tha Voice of Any Gurl or Woman is What Makes That Gurl or Woman Sexy...Besides, Only Amateurs Flirt Via Text...Real Lovers Can Do it Over A Call and Are Even Better Face 2 Face With U Two Alone.
Maybe I'm Too Confident of a Guy or Too Real or Stuck in 1994 When Pamela and Jenny McCarthy were Tha Bombshells but I appreciate Everything That Makes a Woman Beautiful.
Let's Just Talk, No Poem. Ladies, you're Reallyngonna get Tha Low Down How Guys Think 2night.
As A Kid, besides A Gurls Voice, I heard and Embedded in My Head that There was Or Is Nuthing Sexier Than Tha Jiggle of A Woman. Her Booty...That Can Be Size 32B Boobs to 44DD, If a Woman of Any Size and Stature Presents Herself Right, She can Almost Seduce any man She Wants. But Not Every Gurl thinks That. Just Like Not Every Gurl Believes He Can Have Any Girl He Wants. Guys Get Amped Up When They See Who Looks Like Egon Spengler off of Ghostbusters Cuffed Up a With This a Exotic Beauty inside of Dave and Busters. These Guys start a Hating on that Guy, but While U Dudes are in Tha Food Court Gawking Over This Gurl For 20 Minutes over Your Soggy Fries From Johnny Rockets, Homeboy Was Like "Beep It" I ain't Got Nuthing 2 Lose I'm gonna Approach Her. Guys will be Stunned At How many Really Attractive Females That EVERYBODY Thinks Get a Hit On Constantly actually Never Get Approached at All. Either because Some Guys are Intimidated...Only Date Two Degrees of Separation, or Because I beat a Them 2 Tha Punch!!
But I meet Sexy Gurls Any and Everywhere from Supermarkets to Crosswalks Drug Stores...Part of Being Sexy and Attracting Sexy (Inside and Out) is Having That Belief that...
You Can Meet A Special Person...Anywhere...Anytime.
It Doesn't Just Half to be At a Club...At a Yoga Class...At Home Depot...Or waiting For Tha Miami News Times to Print Their Annual Best Places to Meet. Really Hot Gurls don't go to those Places cuz All Tha a Guys Go There. If you're a Single Guy (Cough, Cough!) You want to go to Environments Where There are a Lot of Gurls...But No Guys! Like...Michael's, Tha Arts and Craft Store. Gurls am I Lying?!! U get a Smart and Beautifully Creative Gurls there All Tha Time...Or Certain Concerts...Taylor Swift is Coming 2 Town, Fellas U don't Think Tha a Gals are Gonna Outnumber Tha Guys...I don't Purposely Go Out looking For Women, I don't but I know Some Places where I almost Always See Attractive Wome...Target is Another Place. Especially Tha One on Bird Road. Trust me on This!! Tha Airport Is Another...Tha Government Center During Tha Day...I can't Keep sharing My Spots cuz Then All Tha Goofballs Will Show up. But our Point is If you expand Your mindset to not only Meeting A future Baby Mama or Babee Daddy but a Friend, beyond Tha Cell Phone or Facebook Friends, You might be Surprised.
I just want People to Just go for it! Even myself Have days Where I Feel like 'Yuk!', but Tha Moment I go Outside or to Publix Half Dressed Thinking its 10:30pm at Night nobody Is Gonna Be Up in here...Sure Nuff, This Gorgeous Woman walks in, and Now u got To overcome That 'How Do I look?' Barrier. U really do have 2 Be Ready at all times cuz u never Know. Now I understand Some people Say, 'This is Who I am, Either They Take or Leave Me!!!' True...But What I'm Learning and In McArthur Military Planning Right now on is...
Sometimes To Get what You Never Had Before, You Might Have 2 Do Something You've Never Done Before.
Like, and I'll gladly put my Business out Here...What Tha Hay? I meet Soooooo Many Gurls on Tha Street. Just Walking here in South Beach I attract a lot of Gurls. And also A lot of Gurls Pass me by and I have TomDo All I can Not to Put my Fist in My Mouth and Whisper in my Joey from Tha TV Show Blossom Voice...'She's...Hot!' Now it Takes a Lot to Impress Me...If u Have Positive Energy and a Cute Face Chances are we Will Talk. Just being Honest...But I Luv Consistency. I like 2 Go to a Club or Whatever to Dance but I really have to Talk to a Gurl...a Really cuz...
Anybody Can Look Good on Friday Night..But Only Tha Sexiest of Tha Sexy Can Also Look Good on Saturday Morning.
That one night may be Tha Only Night They Look Good. Same for Sunday Morning (Wink!) But Tha Only thing That separates People or Even Celebrities is Consistency. Ok. Real Quick I got Another Story....I know I have a Ton but this Ties in Sorta.
So I was in College, With my Boys "Tha Dynasty", all of us Hooped and Ran Campus basically, I literally Don't Even Know How any of us, I know Me Fa sure even Graduated. Seems like Either I was Watching Sports, Going Shopping, Waiting by Tha Window For my Prada T-Shirt to come in from Italy...I have no idea Why I did That cuz I was THA FREAKING MAILMAN ON CAMPUS!!! So why wait by Tha Window, When I'm Tha First One 2 See Everybody's Mail in Tha First Place! Ha ha...I got Big Time Issues Y'all!! Big Time Mental Issues...What Gurl is Willing 2 Handle All This Silliness!! But we Rolled like this...As my Dynasty Brotha would say, 'We'll Flip a Coin, and Depending on How it's Called or Lands, We'll Either Go To Class or Stay at Tha Dorm and Cook Hot Dogs!!' I think we used A Two-Sided Coin cuz I Recall Telling My boy Coca Bean, 'Can You Pass Tha Mustard?!' A Whole Heck of a lot During Those Spring Months.
We would Throw Parties in Our Dorm Suite...Our "Wife Beater and Thong" parties were legendary and Tha School allowed Us to use Their Facilities for that. Now U know that's Baller Status When Tha College Gives you and your boys to Whatever You Want...Just Lock up When Ur Done!!! I'm not Kidding, it Was Wild.
So one Night it wasn't a 'Dynasty Sponsored ' Event, but a School Party was Being Thrown on Campus. Us Professional Party People Already know That These School Functions are gonna be Whack and in Reality, just a Pre-Game For What's To take Place in Our Party Dorm. Sorry Mom and Dad I know this Wasn't How U envisioned Spending that $30,000 a Semester but I gotta tell It How it is For Tha Sake of Tha Story! So we went over to a Tha Lion's Den where it was Held. And it was A'ight Nuthing To Miss my Nightly Episode of Cheaters Over, but we Inside so Whatever. One of my Guys, who Shall Remain Nameless was Dating or 'Messing' with This One Chick...So She Arrived but She Brought A Friend.
As Soon as...I'm gonna tell this story Dag Gone it!!... As Soon as they Walked in, I saw Tha Friend and Was Like...'Whaaahhh!!!' This Was Super Hot...She Had this Really pretty Light Blue Dress on, Her Cleavage was Super Low, so Her Boobs were Busting Out Every Which a Way. She wasn't Thin, She Was Thick and Really Curvy with Her Butt and All...Her Skin Was Sorta Fair, She Had Short Black Hair and She Was Mexicana. Boy if I Go to Mexico City, I literally might need an Inhaler cuz I may just Pass out After I step off Tha Plane!! I Luv all Nationalities, BELIEVE U ME...but These Mexican Gurls and These Blondes, I Tell Ya...I Really gotta Crazy Life...So, Where Was I? Oh, So I was immediately Like I have to meet Her, but I'm gonna be Calm, Cool, and Collective.
So I was in Tha Smack Dab Middle of Tha Dancefloor Doing My Thizzle like I always Do. I go 2 Parties to Dance. But as I'm Dipping and Doing My Shoulder Bop, I Secretly Have an Eye on This Gurl. So I see her Dancing With Some Other Lames...I mean Dudes, just Hoping She gets Close. She was Getting It In on This Dancefloor, Heels and All. I Luv It! I'm Crazy about Gurls Who Hit Tha Dancefloor...Just Do Something, Some Gurls Say, 'I Can't Dance!' Nonsense, cuz If Ur With me I got Ur Back. U will Have Fun! So I'm Eyeing Her just Losing Herself in Tha Music...Then all of a Sudden, She's Comes Near to Where I am...And, I don't know if We got True Clubheads in Tha Galaxy a Tonight but If u A Guy or Gurl and U Be Eyeing That Person Since They paid That $30 at Tha Door...When a They come near you Finally, U Literally Steal That Dance by Doing Some So You Think You Can Dance Maneuver. Usually it's a Turn Around Twist with a Slight Slither and then 'Bam!!' Now you in, it's your dance. Ur right in front Of That Person.
That's sorta what Happened and Now My 'Gurl of Tha Night'...That Totally Sounds Sleezy, like I have a Different Gurl every night...Well...So Homegurl Is in front of Me, I grab her Hand and It Was Literally On. We Danced for Tha Next 50 Minutes Together, WITH NO BREAK!!! It was Amazing, She Held Her Ground too...I almost Ran outta Dances, almost Had to go to Tha Vault and Bring out Tha Charleston from Tha 20's or Something! People were watching us, Guys we're Watching Her, and I was Making a Sure she Was Mine This Night. After all this Dancing Tha Lights began to Come On and Tha Lights Came on. At 2am...Welcome 2 Tha Midwest...She was Sweating...I was Sweating, she still looked hot, So of Course I was like, "Can a Playa Get Them Digits?" She said she can give me Her Email...
Huh.
Guys when a Gurl Dances with u For almost a Hour Nonstop and only wants 2 Share an Email,Toss Tha Red Flag on Tha Field cuz Either she's Crazy, Has a Lotta Dudes (Which I don't Give a Darn about Cuz I have a Lot of...) or Something, Something...Something, Something Just Ain't Right. Real Talk. So I was like Whatever...I Yanked off a Piece of Paper from a Party Poster (Old Skool Style!)...Got That Gee Mail...And I was Walking Around With My Swagger was At Tha Level of William Levy. We had a Little Post-game in our Dorm Room. She came over with her friend. We was Tired from All That Dancing, they Stayed til like 4am.
So Tha Next Day...I'm Chillin in our Suite, and I look Out Tha Window and I see my guy's Triple Quotes """Gurl""" , and Her Homegurl walking to Breakfast and My first Thought...Can I Cuss or Do I have 2 Keep this Clean?? Let me just say my first thoughts was...She's But.....Ha ha ha!!! This Ain't Tha a Same Gurl!! She Had like a Flannel on, Some Glasses which Eh....IDK...She Looked More Homely. That's one Thing I find in a Lotta Latinas I know...They can Look like Ugly Betty during Tha Day, but at Night look Close to a Ten. Can I get an Amen Ladies?!!! Alright...But I wasn't Ready for that back then, such a Switch.
So that Monday I emailed her and Told how much Fun I had, and Told her how good she looked, which she did look off Tha charts...That Night! Her response Shocked Me...She began saying that She's Not as Beautiful as I say she is...I was almost left without Any words. Go Figure, right?!! So this Chick doesn't want me 2 Have her Number...Looks Different in Civilian Clothes...Nothing I can't Handle though...Then when I'm trying To say She Is Attractive, not lying to her just want her 2 Have a Little more Self-Confidence...She Rejects it. I'm thinking, This is Crazy...She was trying to be a Doctor and all but If she's Putting me Through All this, I Might have 2 Stay a Tad bit Closer 2 Tha Ratchets!
So I ask her to Send Me a Picture. Now I wasn't Expecting A Playboy Latina Portfolio, but Something Nice U Know. Something I can at Least Half Way Fantasize With. Man she Sends me this Pic EithnHer Glasses on, Kinda Covered Up...No Cleavage, No Belly Button Ring...So I'm looking at this picture, Knowing this ain't Tha Same Gurl...but trying To Talk myself into liking her. And always Bad...Uh...Tha a Angle is Bad...Wearing Tha Wrong Clothes...My Computer is Messed Up...Let me just tell u fellas, It ain't Ur Computer!! Nevertheless (My word of Tha Year!) we still talked for a Every a Single Day for a Week Straight. Then All of a Sudden it stopped! Like Rick James 'Cold Blooded'! She told me her Parents like Didn't allow her to date and if They found out she was talking to me...Hopefully 'Me' was a Guy and not Racially Motivated...I think it was in Guy terms, she would be in big trouble. I'm thinking U a Grown Woman almost, in College...But I guess She Had Game 7 pressure on her 2 Be This Doctor. It happens, but she missed out. And I know I missed out...At least on a Her Dance Moves!
Not sure how we got on that...Think we were discussing Being Consistent and Also believing In Tha Beauty of Urself. If u don't Think Ur Beautiful it's gonna Be Tough for Anyone Else to Believe it as well. All of us have those days where we don't brush our teeth or Feel like Showering for Four days...Maybe That's just me!! But U are Who U Attract. Believe Ur Beautiful and Really Beautiful People will Be Attracted 2 You I promise!
Good Night! And Always Remember 2 Laugh!
Galaxia!
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