The Uninvited Guest.

We Sit Here With My Bag of Trail Mix From Tar-Shay...Sitting To My Right.
Wondering...Where Is This Gonna All Head 2....I Had No Plans Whatsoever 2 Write.
We'll Sit Back and Let Tha Fingers Do Tha Talking...Hopefully Some Words Will Take Flight.
Lot Going On...Motivated Beyond Words...Ready To Turn Into That Superhero Mouse of Might!

A Rat.

Could We Possibly Spend Our Cherishable Evening Chatting About a Most Hated Critter?
One Where U Hear That "Snap" Go Off in Tha Kitchen...Suddenly Ur Whole Evening Turns Bitter.
Tha One Which Is One of Tha First Words Out of Tha Mouth During Tha Interview of a Babysitter.
Yeah....That's What Tha Tip That We're On 2night...U Hate 'Em During Tha Summer...Despise Them During Tha Winter!

I'm an Indiana Boy, I Have No Shame About It...Grew Up With Farms, Farm Gurls...and Farm Type Pests.
As I Kid, I've Encountered Some Weird Stuff...From Scopions Falling Outta Trees, 2 Unhatched Eggs In a Bird's Nest.
Seen One-Legged Dogs Trot It Out...With Everyone in Tha 'Hood Looking On as If He Was Tha Block's Most Unwanted Guest.
It's So Different Up In Tha Midwest...From When U Get Married...To How U Dress Going 2 Tha Club..."U Tell Me I Can't Get In With a Pocket Protector in My Vest?!!"

Down Here in Miami, We See Our Share of Thangs...I Heard Somebody Once Say This is Tha "City of Roaches."
I'm Not Sure If They Were Talking About People or Those Buggy Thangy's, But U See Them Everywhere From Buenos Dias...To Buenos Noches!
They Want Everythang Their Way...People Follow Those Who Appear 2 Have It Going On...It Doesn't Even Surprised Me Anymore To See An Entire Team In a Room...Along With Their Coaches!
Nobody Is Patient Anymore It Seems...With Tha Littlest Thang Making People Get Boiling Hot...Like Those Eggs Cooked Via Tha Poaches.

Real Quick...Tha New Traffic "Ig-Nant" Thing To Do is To 'Honk' Ur Horn, With Traffic at a Stand Still, Trying To Get Into Tha Left Turn Lane While At a Stoplight.
Like...Really...I'm Supposed To "Saturday Night Monster Truck" Everybody Forward, Just So U Can Rush To Ur Jump-Off's Crib To Cheat on Ur Wife?
It Was Crazy Enough When People "Tooty Fruity" Their Horn, Right When Tha Light Goes From Red 2 Green...I Mean...Tha Green Hasn't Even Registered a Millisecond in my Acuvue Eyesight!
Driving In Miami Puts Me In Total 'Zen Mode' Just Isn't Cool...Coasting Down US-1 With Ur Eyes Closed, No Music, and Legs Crossed in a Gurl Scout Position Can Put Other On lookers in a Stage of Fright!

But Back To This Master Splinter Thang...I'm a Neat Freak...I Just Had a Building Inspector Come Look at My Apartment and after Homeboy Left, I Stuck My Nose in Tha Air and got My Broom and Pan!
I Can't Do It...I Can't Do It...So E'ons Ago, at My Old House, While I Was Re-Watching an Old Bulls Basketball Game To See a Small Shadow Scurry on Tha Carpet...I Wish I Hadda Ran!
I Can Handle a C-Section on a Stripper at Tha Club....I Can Even Handle Watching E!'s "Botched" Show Where They Eject Body Parts From Who Knows Where...But a Little Jerry, With No Tom...Nawww Man!
That's When I Knew That I Had a Serious Problem With Tha Rodents...But Tha Only Way 2 Learn About Them Is To Become...One...I Hope This Post Doesn't Get Canned.

So What Are Tha Characteristics of a Rat...It's Dirty.  Noticable Tail.  Hangs Out With Garbage.  Should Mention a Few Gurls Names There...But I'm Already on Somebody's "Do Not Date List!"
I Mean Can U Think About Any Good Thing About a Rat...If U Need Tha Jeopardy! Them Song...Here It Is...Seriously, There Ain't Nothing Besides Erasing Cabbage From Tha Streets That Makes Me Pump My Fist!
When Somebody Squeals On U 2 Break Up Friendships, and Relationships...What Do U Say?  "They Ratted Me Out!"...Tha TV Show "Tha 1st 48" Should Have Their Own Kennel...That's My Wish!
Kennel Might Be Tha Wrong Word To Use, I Don't Want Dog Nation After Me...I'm Just Gonna End That Thought So We Can Continue Onto Our Rodent Bliss.

I Recall Catching Tha Metrobus Back Over Here To South Beach, and I Was at tha Downtown Government Center, and It Was Late at Night...Sounds Like a Start 2 a Tom Clancy Novel, I Know!
So I Already Had My Robocop Eye Vision on High Alert Making Sure That No Zombies Awake Out of Their Sleep, and Think That My Backpack Signified That I Got "Money" Mayweather Dough.
My Red Eyes Zero'd In on This Being Crossing Tha Street...I Was Like That's a Big Dog at This Time of Evening...Only It Wasn't a Dog....I'll Let Ur Imagination Do It's Inevitable Horrified Glow!
This Rat Was HUGE!  Like....It Been Eating Straight From Tha Garbage Can of STK Steakhouse...None of This Ronald McDonald Crap...I Think He Was In Training For a Rat Fireman's Calendar Show!

When U See Stuff, Like I'm Referring To On Tonight, That Messes With Ur Mind Wondering...Can I Take This Monster On If We Ever Meet Face 2 Face?
I Walk a Lot of Alleys Here In Tha Beach and See Some Weird Thangs...Heck, I Jumped When I Heard a Cat Sneeze One Morning!  I Think Tha Thang Was Possessed Cuz He Did a Dead On Impression of Chevy Chase!
Me Don't Like Bugs Too Much...Or Things Attacking U While Ur In Mid-Sleep...One Place I Lived In Had a Termite Situation, and I Think I Cried For 2 Hours Considering Should I Just Burn Down Tha Place!
Just Chalk It Up To Arson...Save My CDs, and My Old Hong Kong Phooey Teddy I Had...Just Walk Away Like In Nas' "Hate Me Now" Video...Become Hated on Wall Street...But In Tha Hood Showered With Praise!

Well...I'm a Huge Hooper...Played Basketball Throughout High School and College...And There's Something That Is A Good With Our Word of Choice on Today.
Somebody Who's In Tha Gym Consistently, almost Manically To Perfect Their Craft...Working When Others are Sleep or Partying Away...Determined To Become Tha Best In Every Single Way.
Sometimes When Tha Lights and Cameras Are Turned Off, Understanding That To Be a "Gym Rat", Will Propel Them To Levels Unseen...Going From Those '15 Minutes' To at Least an 'Hour's' Worth of Stay.
Willing To Do, Go and Perfect Those Duties That Others Look Down Upon...Or Are Too Good To At Least Try...I'll Take Strength Of Heart and a Mind of 'Never Give Up'...Every...Single....Day.

I Was On Instagram...And Today Was Funny...It's Like Everybody is Feeling Hated On...Or They Are Trying To Get Their Body Right...Those are Tha Themes on This Day of Hump.
Lately I've Been Trying To Figure Out Why Am I So Close...Yet Still Haven't Got It...U Know?...Almost Like I'm at Tha Gas Station, But No Gasolina From Daddy Yankee Is Coming Out of Tha Pump.
Thinking That Taking This Low Road, Through Tha Back Alleys Of Life, Has Been Nothing But Full Of People Running Away From You, Empty Cheese Attempts, and Quizzical Looks For Taking So Many Lumps.
Those Moments When U Feel Like Ur Tha Best of Tha Best...Only To Get Snapped Up By Another Trap...Getting Tossed Out In Another Tied Up Dior Bag Like Ur Some Kind Of Chump.

Being This Type of Rat is Different Than What U See on Tha Ninja Turtles...What's Thrown On Tha Ice During Florida Panthers Hockey Games...Or What's a Joke On Tha Day of April Fool.
This "Rat" Is A Choice, and Sometimes Chosen Upon You...What U Become When U've Been Denied Time After Time Again, Like a Access Computer Code To a Sex Tape of Jessica Alba..That'll Make U Drool.
What is Tha Effect of Wondering If 'Being Me' Really Does Suck...That When U Have Money And Looks...U No Longer Are a Person, But Now Just an Image of Being Sexy...and Being Cool.
Seeing Everybody Having Fun Tossing Around Numbers and Beach Balls...Yet Filled With Disillusion of Why Is It That Everybody Leaves Once You...Jump In Tha Pool.

You're A Rat...Many Don't Want To Be Around One...But Every Now and Then U Meet Somebody Who's Always Dreamed Of Having You as a...Pet.
That One Person U Never Thought Existed...Who's People Thought Was Weird Too...Cuz At Their 6th Grade Science Fair...Decided To Have a Mouse and Rat Fight...With 1 Person Taking Tha Rat on The Vegas Bets.
Then If That Wasn't Tha Topper...Tha Following Year Decided To Strap Up Tha Little Rascal as Evel Knievel...To Illustrate That U Can Fly In Tha Stars If Only Ur Willing To Get In Life's Jet.
Everybody Is Looking For This Disney World Experience With Mickey Mouse...But Sometimes Associating With A Rat Is What U Need...Becoming E.T. Friends Realizing That Type of Luv is Tha Best That It Gets!

I've Always Prided Myself As That Kid Rocking Tha Prada Suit, Like Every Other London or LA Heartthrob...With Tha Only Difference Is My Willingness To Down and Full Of Dirt.
Not Paying Too Much To Tha Outside 'Noise' of Negativity...So What if I Hanging Out With My Dream Gurl of Miss Piggy on a Friday Night...And Then Saturday Morning Kicking It With Ernie and Bert.
This Rodent Can Be Intimidating To Tha Max...A Few Knocked Over Garbage Can Make U Go Silly...Putting Baby Pacifiers In Ur Mouth...Singing For Mariah Like Ur Name Was Dirt...McGirt.
With Nobody Else Realizing Tha Perks That Come Along With Becoming a 'Rat'...I Mean... If For Nothing Else, U Should Become One Just Cuz They Have Tha Best View of What's Under Tha Skirt!

Yeah...They Associate You With Finding Passion....In What Other's Consider Trash...Only Coming Out at Night Time...Not Knowing U Work While Others Sleep.
There's No Shame In Ur Game...Whether Looking For Food...Or a Home During a Snowy Storm...U Find Within Ur Own Version of TLC...There's No Shame If U..."Creep".
Hanging Low To Tha Earth...Knowing U Can Go Wherever U Want To Go...Whether That's at a Party at Tha Playboy Mansion...Or Through a Sewer To Tha Kitchen of The Met Ball...U Sow What U Reap.
That Might Mean Crossing Hills, Mountains and Rivers...To Get What U Truly Desire...U've Survived Tha Worst of Tha Worst on Tha Streets, So There's No Fear in Swimming in Any Waters So Deep.

So Here I Am...Borderline Sweaty on Tonight...Knowing That Tha Stench Is In My Blood...And Is What Occurs Once U Have Too Many Tuesdays That Weren't So Fat.
I May Have Some Unshaven Whiskers...And Yes, My Nose Might Always Be Pointed Down...But That's Just Because I'm Always on Tha Grind...A Nose Pointed Up...Illustrates a Soul Who Thinks They're "All That."
And Yes, I May Be An Outkast Cuz I Rather Hear Stories From Tha Homeless...Or From Tha Tossed Away Pennies...Not Understanding That This Knowledge Allows Me To Sleep With Tha Sexiest of Pussycats.
Rain Storms Have Poured Over My Skin....Traps Have Been Set Wherever I Go...But I'm Better Than Ever, Knowing Inside and Out Who I Am....

And There's No Misquotes From From Tha Legendary James Cagney ...

When I Truly Say I'm...

Just A Dirty Rat.

Wink!
Galaxia!