A Lifelong Lab Assignment.

I'm having a Bad day.

There are always those moments in ur life when u just wonder, 'Is This Life Even Worth Tha Effort?"  U have so many thangs to be thankful for, but U just wonder why thangs just can be Not only How U Want it 2 Be, but Why Can't they Be RIGHT NOW!  Plus, U wonder how come "You"....Of All People, I Guess...Have 2 Continue To Experience Tha Tough Lessons that u thought U Conquered Years and Decades ago, but still are in This "Process" of Molding into Tha Ultimate Version Of You.  Our Journey Has been Filled with a lot of Positives, and I'm not degrading my life at All cuz it is worthy of a Reality Show.  But...I Wonder if it's Worthy of a Reality Show...Then Why Don't I Have One?  If I'm So This and That...That How Come I'm not Experiencing This or That?  If I'm So Cool and "Nice"...I Don't Like That Word....Then How Come I'm Still Dealing With Crazy Days in terms of Relationships and So-Call Friendships?  It Doesn't Make Sense...I'm just a Simple Guy, With What I Thought 2 Be Simple Dreams To Make or Should I Say, Change This World.  Nothing More...Nothing Less.  And Even Though, Especially Lately I keep getting Blessed in Certain Areas of My Life...Others, that really mean a Lot to Me...I'm not.  And I Guess, I'm Trying on Today To Figure Out....

Why?

Just Got Done Watching this "Super Soul Sunday" on Oprah's OWN Network, in which she interviewed tha Author Marianne Williamson, who's book, A Return To Love, has been a Bestseller for over 20 Years now.  Tha Principles Discussed in terms of Giving Love...Being Open 2 Love as a Whole...Tha Thought That The Sky is Always Blue, but there are just Grey Clouds That Make a Day Look Grey (Sounds Like I need 2 Use That One 2day, Huh!)...Also, Discussing That The Key 2 Happiness is Making a Decision To Be Happy...And how Happiness is Not Circumstance Dependent....Not Allowing Fear To Cloud Ur Outlook, and How Fear is an Illusion...While Also Discussing How To Turn Probability into Possibility.  Meaning just because the numbers aren't in Ur Favor, Doesn't Mean That Somethang won't come true.  It Was Some Good Stuff.  We're gonna look into that book when we get a chance.  I wonder though after hearing so much positive Vibes and "Real Talk" Why Do I Feel Like I Do?  For Real...

Throughout My Life, I Have Found out that I have a Ultra-Competitive Personality.  In Terms of "Proving People Wrong"...In Terms of Wanting To Be That Best...Like Ever....For me, as With tha Era Growing Up in Tha 80s and Definitely Tha 90s, The Goal Hasn't Been About Money...Or How Many Gurls I Can Bang...Or How Many Trophies I Obtain...For Some Reason I Thought Success Was Determined by being Recognized Verbally or Within Circles as "Tha Best".  I Recall in 7th Grade, I used to practice my Autograph actually with those words..."The Best".  I've Always wanted to make such a lasting impact on this world like an Elvis or Michael Jackson or Marilyn Monroe or The Beatles so that My Spirit will always be floating around This Universe as Long as this Globe is Spinning.  I Mean...Said it once and will say it again, That's Why our Name Austino Galaxia is such a Perfect Name...Not only Does it sound sexy like a Male Gigolo or Somethang, but it truly describes what Impact that I Want To Make on This Space that I Call Tha Galaxy.  I've Never Chased Fame...Or as I Said Money or Certain Notoriety...I Just felt like I was Destined to Make an Impact, or To become a...Don't want to say Icon...but to be somebody who U could tell ur kids about like...'I once knew a guy named....'  And For our story to be a testimony to how Perseverance, Resiliency, and continual Self-Determination can lead you a realizing all of Ur Dreams to Come True.

Nobody Warned Me About Tha "Individualized Curriculum" (Phrase I Heard in tha Oprah Interview)  that I Would I Have 2 Go Through.

This Microwave Society that we live in Makes life seem so easy.  I've been sorta obsessed with tha topic of Plastic Surgery.  Not that I'm Thinking of getting any, I Mean "Hellllooo!", tha Face is Tha Money Maker!  But it's kind of reflective of how society is today...Even at that young ages of 16 or 17 years old when ur body hasn't even filled out yet...It's like, "Oh...I Don't Like My Boobs so Why Don't I just pay $3,000 over in Columbia to get my Boobs and Butt Done.  I Look Hot...but I Want to Look Super Hot in My Selfies so Why not risk tha aftermath for tha present look."  Let me add, this is coming from a guy who would date a gal who went under tha knife, but I'm just trying to paint tha picture of this "Right Now" mindset we have.  Tha Other Day I Was Listening to this Gurl on TV who said after getting her breasts Enlarged, she said...

"I Felt More Like A Woman."

That's a Heck of a quote.  But That's How Many Gurls feel pressure into thinking...And What Many Guys Feel pressured into tha kind of gurl they want or think is Sexy.  Tha Other Day, I Think My Last Post I Wrote About Some of Tha Psuedo Characteristics That I Want My Gurl To Have like a Luv of Nikes...Or Curvy Body...Or Even Her to Have a Slither of Latina in Her...I'm Gonna Be Real 2day, so Get Ready.  In Some ways That's True, but I Sorta Cringe cuz at this Point, I Have no idea...One, if that Gurl Exists...Two, I Got No reason to Pigeon Myself into a Box like if this Gurl Luvs Adidas instead of Nike, that Means that I Won't Date Her?  Maybe she is My Three Stripes to My Swoosh, and that is why we would Make a Perfect Couple.  Huh.....But we all have this self notion of what makes us Happy...and What Makes us feel like we're at our Sexiest...Most of it involves External Thangs like Clothes (If anybody needs a shirt or somethang let me know, I got waayyy too much.)...Or Relationships...Or Money...There was a Song out in tha Mid 90s by this rapper Tyme Called.."L.I.F.E."on Tha New York Undercover Soundtrack CD.  Tha Chrous rains in...

"What's Life All About?  Having Sex, Clothes and Making Money...No Doubt!!"

Now That I'm living This "South Beach Life", Whatever That Means...I almost think That Line is True!  U may laugh, but think about it...If U want to have Kids or Show Ur Love 2 Ur Wife or Hubby or Boy/Girlfriend...That's That Sex...U Want to Look Good...That's Tha Clothes...U Want To Provide For Ur Family or Work to Make Somethang Outta Urself...That's Tha Money Part...Almost Like No Matter What U Do in Life, One of Those Thangs, if not All are going To Influence Ur Decision Making Whether U are Single or Married...

What I've Been in a Fight with is...Trying to Be Myself.  Or I Guess...Trying to be Different.  And I'm finding that When I am Being Myself, that Can Make u seem Even More Different, Which can Sometimes Alienate you, or Make U Feel like a Black Sheep...That Might Mean Pass on a Beer at tha Club or Party because u Got a Workout Early in Tha Morning...Or that Might Mean Talking To Tha Gurl Who People think is Dumb or is So Into Her Looks, because U see her as a Person and not just at her physical body or U Want 2 Hear what Her Mind Thinks about...In a Lot of Ways I Walk To Tha Beat of My Own Drum, but it's a Sound that Many Others Can Understand.

Tha Thang That I've Been...A Little Frustrated With is This Process of Not Only Becoming Who I'm Gonna Be...But Also, like What Medium is Gonna Be My Calling Card...And also Wondering if Love in terms of a Gurl is An Actuality or Have All These Episodes just been a Waste of Time.  If I Get a Wife or Gurl...Fine.  If Not...Fine Too...but I've just been Curious to why all these thangs are happening to me. When I Passed these Tests of Patience, at least by my standards...time after time again.  Almost like a Teacher keep on Giving u tha same Quiz, and U Like, "Teach...This is tha Same Test, With tha questions in a Different Order.  I Got a A+ last time...I Didn't Cuss That Gurl Out...I Didn't Quit tha Job when I Didn't Get a Promotion...I Gave 2 That Homeless Person when That was Tha Last Dollars I Had in My Wallet...Why Do I Have 2 Take This Again?"

Feel like a Scientist that Has Secretly been in Tha Lab Working and Trying 2 Come up With This Formula That Will Change Tha Perception on How People Look at Life, Celebrity and Fun.  It's like People Look at Life being Over...Or that Love is Boring once u Get that "Special Somebody" or That Once U Hit 30 Life is Downhill...Or That U Can't Luv God and Listen 2 Tupac...Or If Somebody Wears a Low Cut Skirt or an Open Dress Shirt That Makes That Person a Player or a Slut...All These Misconceptions That We Have, that I feel like I've been Molded whether by Choice or Destiny into Breaking.

What I've Been dealing with as I've worn my John Varvatos Scientist Robe, is that I feel like I've been Going Hard for years Mixing and Freebasing Every Ingredient that I've known to come up with what works, and even though I've Been Close...I Feel like nobody else Has knocked on That Science Lab Door To See What I've Been Working On.  Or to Even Walk in and Say...."I Heard U Were Working on This New Formula...So Have I...Let Me Help You..." Haven't Gotten That.  So That's Why I feel Disappointed and...Disrespected...Cuz U know Somethang Special is A Brewing...U See Tha Smoke from tha Magic Potions, U Hear the Sizzles and Cracks...Yes, I Get a "Knock" on Tha Lab Door from a Homeboy...And Yes, I Constantly Get Sexy Gurls Clicking on Tha Window Giving a Needed Wave or Blowing Us a Kiss or Showing Us Her Body in Ways That Give a Needed Boost Realizing What Tha Reward of Hard Work shall be.  But I Want Somebody To Open Tha Lab Door and Come In...Somebody Besides My Mentor.

So as a Scientist Who's Trying To Perfect His Formula Day and Night like Kid Cudi, and Have Yet to Come up With Tha Right Solution (Pun Intended!), U Wonder if Tha Effort is Worth It, or Even Appreciated.  U think like...Man, I Coulda Been at that Runway Show for Miami Swim Week, but Instead I was Working In Tha Lab On This Project...Or U Take a Quick But Needed Break from Ur Work, and Check Out What's Been Going On in Tha Outside World Via Instagram, U see Everybody Giving "Likes" to Pictures showing Bottles or New Outfits, but When U Post What a Pic of Tha Scientific Formula That u've been Working on, Ur Homegurl Sana is Tha Only One Who Understood It.

It's in These Times That U Think About All Tha Time Spent Working on This Project with Nothing Seemingly Coming of It.  Then as U Sit Down U Glaze Out Tha Window and See Tha South Beach Sand, and Tha Hot Cars, and Tha Gurls Wearing Tha Tiniest of Clothing...And Then U Gaze Back at Ur Stool and Table Filled With Knocked Over Flasks, Microscopes, Hot Plates, Petri Dishes and U Wonder 'Who's Tha Fool?'  It's Taking Me Years of Sacrifice To Get What Others Almost Get Overnight.  I Want Mine To Be at Tha Standard We Want it To Be, but Thoughts of When We Finally Do Get This Formula Right, I Wonder if It Will Be Too Late, or If Tha Joy Will Outdo Tha Trial and Error it Took To Get My Dream Assignment Correct?

Being a Scientist Isn't Easy.  There's a Lot of Trial and Error...It's Very Expensive not only in terms of Money (Boy, if ur a Guy Who Pays for Dates U know What I Mean!)...But Also Expensive In Terms of Time Sacrificed and Morals Being Tested.  U Think What If I Disrespected Strangers?  Or What If I Cut That Dude off in Traffic?  Or How It's Easy For You To Walk Up on a Gurl and Say, "I just wanna Have Sex With You...That's It." Or Too Play Tha Bad Boy Role and Not Call a Dame Up For Days after U Get Tha Digits...But U Think inside That Ur Over Tha Games, and Now U want 2 be Authentic as Possible.  U know that Time is Short and That U Must Maximize Tha Time We Have.

As I'm Forming This Formula I Have Made up in Our Mind That My Two Bases for It Will Be Fun and Luv.  Fun Especially...If Somebody is Allergic To That Ingredient or Doesn't Enjoy Laughs Being tha Side Effect of Our Creation, then So Be It, Don't Try it.  But No Matter What...That is What Our Base is Going To Be.  Doesn't Matter how many times I Have to Start Over and Over Again, This is Where I Will Begin Tha process....

Each and Every Time.

Now This Experience Factor Was Somethang That I Didn't Foresee.  Almost like It Came outta nowhere.  I Got Tha Fun...and Tha Luv...Sorta...But I Read That Experience is Good For What I'm Trying To Make.  That "E" Element is Somethang That Takes Tha Most time To Develop.  It Can Be Painful, It's Settles Tha Rest of Tha Formula Down, but it also is Tha Hardest To Obtain.  People Have Done Some Wild Thangs To Get It.  But Just like Those Other Special Elements, "E" Becomes Apparent and Visible only 'After Tha Fact'.  I've Poured That into My Formula awhile Ago, but it's Only now that I've seen it Come to Tha Surface.  I Disgrace and get Upset at All I Had To Go Through To Get that Needed Piece To Tha Puzzle, but now I See That Without It, My Formula Will Be Incomplete.  Now I'm Grateful at tha Process of Obtaining..."Experience".

From There, I Have Tossed in Everythang I Know To Make This Formula Everythang That I've Ever Wanted....Positivity...Sex Appeal...Forgiveness....."DCT"..Sensitivity To World Affairs...Along With Some Stands from Tha Genes of Tha Bookworm...Gym Rat...and Tha Party Animal.  As  Look around My Lab I See Pictures from Hollywood's Walk of Fame, thinking to Myself, that I'm gonna be tha First Scientist To Get a Star. I feel like I Got All Tha Ingredients,  but perhaps I've Messed up tha Dosage of Each Element.  Too Much Forgivness and Not Enough Party Animal.  Or Too Much Focus on Tha  Sex Appeal Element, and Not Enough Focus on Tha "DCT" Element...Which Stands for 'Dreams Come True'.

I'm Ready....I'm Ready...I'm Ready...And I know That I'm Close.  Even Though Frustration Has Crept in Concerning This Loooooong Process, I Have Enough In Me To Give It One More Try.  I Hate That I'm Stuck in Tha Lab While Others are Living it Up...But I'll Be Worth It.  I Hate That I'm Alone in This Lab When Others Have a Group or a Cosima Niehaus By Their Side...But It'll Be Worth It.  I've Been At This Thang For Too Long 2 Give Up Now.  I've Questioned Every Combination That I Ever Put Together.  I've Wondered If I was too Strong in One Area or should've Used a weaker Solute, Or If I Should've Packed and Boxed Up My Supplies and Moved My Lab To L.A. or Toronto or Even South America...

But as I Gaze Out My Lab's Window on This South Beach Sunny Sunday...And as I Gather My Body Together after a Weekend Basically in Bed Trying To 'Heal Up'....I Begin To Get a Little Gitty at Tha Possibility In Front of Me.  Tha Knowledge That We've Been Working Hard Secretly, and Now Everybody is Gonna See What We've Been Up To. Tha Diary Posts Have Been Not as Frequent...We've Been Working....Tha Phone Calls and Texts Have Been Short in Number...We've Been Working...I Haven't Pursued Sex Like I Could've...I've Been Working...Tha Laughs Have Been a Little Quieter...I've Been Focused on Our Craft and Work...

Now I Can See Us Picking Up Tha Final Flask after All This Trial and Error over The Years.  All The Times People Didn't Think It Was Possible.  All The Times They Laughed When U Turned Down That Request from Tha Brazilian Beauty by saying, "I Can't Go Out Tonight".  All Tha Times U Had To Go Home Thinking About How Somebody Did U Wrong, and Inside U Thought, "One Day They're Gonna Regret Tha Shot They Had At Us"....All Those Thoughts are Right Here in Ur Hand, In That Flask Filled With a Purple Solution.  And Right As I'm About To Pour and Turn Tha Flask Over...A "Knock" Occurs, Followed By Tha Opening of Ur Lab's Door....

I Then Look and See This Person Walking In...After All These Years...Finally Somebody Wanted To Come In To See What's Been Brewing...And That's When U Hear a Beautiful Voice That Says, "I Just Couldn't Miss This Chance.  Because I Knew That History is Being Made.  So I Wanted To Be a Part of It."

That's When a Smile Crosses Ur Face and U Say....

'U Came Just In Time....Yep...U Came Just In Time.'

And U Now Realize That It's All Been Worth Tha Sweat and Tears...Just To Know Somebody Was There, Right When U Gave Ur Final...And...Soon To Be Known...

Best Drop.



Dr.Galaxia!